Year of the Pig

Time to celebrate it's Chinese New Year,
Have a takeaway and a sneaky beer!

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs like to rout about and snuffle,
as they hunt around for a hidden truffle,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs are clean and smart,
even though all they seem to do is fart.

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs are omnivores and love their veg,
they are often found rooting around in a hedge,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

The verderers, the Forest they like to manage,
by sending out the pigs to pannage,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

In China they'll be running around in the muck,
because in Chinese astrology pigs mean good luck.

Yeah, we are definitely going to dig
the Year of the Pig!

Biscuits: Hello Panda
Tasting Notes: Unusual and fun
Score: 8 out of 10

How do you eat yours?

We were excited to try
the new Jaffa Cakes flavour,
sadly the the taste of strawberry
was not one to savour.

The dark chocolate mix
didn't give us our citrus fix,
whilst the choice of fruit
did not suit.

How do you eat yours?
Are you a scoffer
with an impatient jaw,
or do you make a luna eclipse
by putting half between your lips?

Do you nibble round the edge,
and save the best 'til last,
or head straight to the jelly
and eat it fast?!

Biscuits: Strawberry Jaffa Cakes
Tasting Notes: Bleak (see poem)
Score: 4 out of 10

Our Land

Imagine a land - our land,
let's call it Headway Land,
tea and biscuits are always on tap
conversation flows - it's a good craic!

Different activities stimulate the brain,
from gardening to cooking to sailing in the rain,
we're pushed to our limits, beyond our comfort zone
building up confidence to cope when we're alone.

To some it's a life line, stops us vegetating,
keeps us light-hearted, even when we're educating.
You'll be bowled over by our sporting skills,
and gallery trips providing artistic thrills.

In our new kitchen we'll cook up a treat,
Tasty puddings and meals to eat.
At Headway we're a merry band,
especially scoffing cookies from Maryland.

Biscuit: Maryland Thins - salted caramel
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: £1 at Asda in Totton

Chop Chop Chop

Chop, Chop, Chop
It's Budget Day tomorrow
Which services will end in sorrow?
How many of Hammond's promises
will be hollow?
Is it fair that social care
and education
will feel no elation
about the financial situation?
Dissipation of funding
to the NHS
will leave patients in distress
Diverting budget from Academies
to Grammars
will crush our schools like blows
from hammers
The Government needs to prioritise
open its eyes and stop the cuts
that we all despise.

Biscuit: Oreo Thins
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Calculation Frustration

The name of these biscuits
is Orange Choco Leibniz.

This German mathematician
is the man that we need
to solve our economic position
with a theory that just might succeed.

He used minus and the plus
to create his calculus.

Now we need his formula for success
and his talent for addition
to get us out of this mess
and save us from division.

If we could put aside our differential
we just might realise our potential.

Biscuit: Orange Choco Leibniz
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: 74p (special offer) from Waitrose in Lymington

Fantastic Fingers

Fingers are very useful things,
without them where would we put our rings?

Two thumbs and eight fingers each,
allows us all to peel a peach.
without them we'd struggle to eat,
or put the shoes upon our feet.

Two thumb and eight fingers a piece,
allows us all to signal peace.
Without them we'd be digit less,
digital devices rendered useless.

Fingers are not just extras,
they point and poke and make us dexterous.

Biscuit: Arden & Amici Sponge Fingers
Taste test:  9 out of 10
Cost:£1.39 from Waitrose

#TimPeake

Major Tim Peake
Will be breaking a record this week,
he's the first male Briton ,
EVER .
to grace space.

He blasted off at 11:03
GMT,
no doubt dreaming of a mug
of proper brewed tea.

He'll be joining fellow astronauts
on the rocket SOYUZ,
if he doesn't make it back
it will be a field day for the lawyers.

We applaud the giants steps
he's taking to INFINITY and beyond,
we hope the mission's genuine
and we're not sat here being conned.

You're a brave man Tim,
quite unique,
zooming in a rust-bucket that's, let's face it, antique,
we wish you LUCK and safe return,
upon re-entry don't let those nostril hairs burn.


Biscuit: Nairn's Astro Bites
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: £1.59 from Ocado

Remembrance

Remember

Every

Mortal:

Endangered,

Missing,

Bombed.

Remember

Armistice,

November's

Cruel

Epitaph.

Biscuit: Chocolate Malted Milk Biscuits
Taste test:  9 out of 10 preferred it
Cost: Waitrose in Lymington, under a quid.

Hansel and Gretel Retold

Come let us tell you a story,
about a boy and a girl,
who lived in a very Grimm world.

They be named Hansel and Gretel,
abandoned in the woods,
like damaged, unwanted goods.

But fear not dear listeners,
so Hansel didn't get lost,
a trail of biscuit crumbs he tossed.

Alas Hansel's plan failed,
the crumbs had vanished,
into the darkness the children were banished.

Suddenly their spirits were lifted,
by the sight of a cottage out of the ordinary,
made from gingerbread and adorned with confectionery.

A cackling witch offered them treats,
but she was far from fair,
so snatched them into her lair.

Feasting on them was her aim,
she sought to fatten them up on sweets,
preferring kids' bones clad in meat.

The sibling's death day dawned,
yet the thought of kid casserole they weren't loving,
so they pushed the hag into the oven!

Biscuit: Favorina Gingerbread Hearts
Taste test:  Yum, 8 out of 10.
Cost: A present from Fiona (Lidl we think).

National Biscuit Day

On the 29th of May
in Ireland and the UK
it was National Biscuit Day.

We savour and adore
these biscuits
handmade in Lismore
the town where Fred Astaire
danced in the square
with sister Adele
down the cobbled thoroughfare

What a perfect way
to celebrate National Biscuit Day
a choreographic display
of dark chocolate and cardamom
but where's Ginger?

Biscuit:  Dark Chocolate and Cardamom
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Not sure but they tasted expensive!

Seeing Red

[To be read in a frenzy]

Red is the colour of
danger, strawberries,
dragons, debt, ketchup,
warning, lust, labour,
chillies, Mars, blood
communists, Ayres Rock
fury, shame, fire,
flames of passion,
lipstick on your collar,
heat, devils, wine,
ferraris, grapes, wrath,
anger, tomatoes
STOP!

Biscuit:  Red Velvet Cake
Taste test: 9.99999 out of 10
Cost: Made by Mia (thank you Mia, makes a change from biscuits!)

#je suis charlie

charlie was in trouble
extremists burst their bubble
they came under fire
for creating offensive satire
terror tried to silence their illustrative fun
but the pen was mightier than the gun

the liberty terrorists attempted to sever
in reality drew everyone together
millions poured on to the streets
showing solidarity by stamping their feet

the people stood firm in their stance
to uphold the values of france
liberté, égalité, fraternité is what they say
and so charlie hebdo will again be printed today

Biscuit: Aero Biscuits

Taste test: 9.5 out of 10 (but are they really biscuits?)
Cost: £1.69 from Tesco in New Milton

Ye Olde Double Choc Chip Biscuits

On a chilly, damp morn in April
Headway set off for Lurgashall Mill.
We journeyed acros downs tirelessly until
beyond the mist laden vale we spied the hill

Home to the Weald and Downland Museum
a great place to spend our £5 per diems.
Bales of hay on which to relax
amidst the dusty, medieval artefacts.

A village lost in time with a ticking past,
its spartan, simple ways here to last.
Volunteers resplendent in yesteryear attire,
baking their flat bread by the vast open fire.

As poets on tour we were straight to the grindstone,
searching for sweet biscuits to set the tone
of our weekly verse inspired by the treats
that were found in the shop surrounded by sweets!

Biscuit: Lurgashall Mill Double Chocolate Chip Biscuits 

Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost:  £2 from Weald & Downland Open Air Museum