Fireworks Loop de Loop

Lock up your cats and dogs
and be mindful of hedgehogs
in your bonfire logs,
once again it's that
time of year,
when the fire brigade
are full of fear;
catherine wheels,
bangers, sparklers
and rockets,
don't put fireworks
in your pockets!
Are you going
to a firework party?
Here's some food
to keep you hearty:
sausage on a spit,
mugs of tomato soup,
spuds in foil,
whilst watching fireworks
loop de loop!

PS Olly's safety advice:
Remember fireworks cannot be tamed,
keep at arms length or you will be maimed!

Pomelo

What is a pomelo?
Not to be confused with a pedalo,
It looks like the offspring of
a grapefruit and an orange
the Frankenstein of fruits,
a botanical chimera.

It's the sized of a football,
with far less bounce,
brimming with Vitamin C
in every ounce,
It's pith is an inch thick,
if you eat it you will be sick.

Pomelo tastes a bit sour,
Jegan's not keen,
he finds the flavour obscene.
It originates from Asia
and now found in Totton,
don't keep it too long
or it will go rotten!

Cowes Week

Cowes Week
is a regatta extravaganza,
a maritime bonanza
a celebration of sailing and culture
don your yellow wellies and souwester
for this annual sailing fiesta.

Captain Mick is there,
on his motor cruiser Phoenix 1,
she's a beauty at 36ft long,
the cannon fires,
the race begins,
all entrants intend to win.

The Fastnet Tragedy
is front of mind this week,
40 years on
the memory of the lost is still strong
15 sailors lost their lives,
75 battered boats capsized.
a trial of seamanship,
demanding grit and sailing spirit.

Cake and Cricket

The contents of
Mick's fridge
are in this cake:
Harrods' strawberry jam,
half a dozen eggs,
Anchor butter
from New Zealand,
home of the Kiwi cricketers
(no hard feelings).

The England team
were jammy,
just like Mick's cake
(which took 2 hours
to bake),
that was a win
we were happy to take,
the cricket went
to a final ball,
and Mick's cake was enjoyed
by one and all!

Number 300

Today marks our 300th rhyming feat,
we've eaten our own body weights in biscuity treats!
Poems have been inspired by
Wagon Wheels, Ginger Nuts,
Jaffa Cakes and Lemon Puffs,
we've scoffed them all and can't get enough.
We've sampled interesting biscuits from distant shores,
squashed in suitcases from holiday tours,
and ventured towards the savoury snack,
but the lure of sugar drew us back,
today's biscuit is a posh pack for our special day,
contributing nicely to our dental decay!

Biscuits:Elizabeth Shaw Coconut and Hazlenut

Tasting Notes: Yipeeeee

Score:  300 out of 300

To Bee or not to Bee

What would happen to our civilisation
If there was no bee pollination?
Because we're destroying their habitat,
There will be no food and that is that.

We need to stop using pesticides
or else the species won't survive,
if man can cultivate the land
bees will give a helping hand

Bees need our love
to stay alive in their hive,
With Valentines Day on the way
Give your honey some flowers that day.

Year of the Pig

Time to celebrate it's Chinese New Year,
Have a takeaway and a sneaky beer!

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs like to rout about and snuffle,
as they hunt around for a hidden truffle,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs are clean and smart,
even though all they seem to do is fart.

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs are omnivores and love their veg,
they are often found rooting around in a hedge,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

The verderers, the Forest they like to manage,
by sending out the pigs to pannage,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

In China they'll be running around in the muck,
because in Chinese astrology pigs mean good luck.

Yeah, we are definitely going to dig
the Year of the Pig!

Biscuits: Hello Panda
Tasting Notes: Unusual and fun
Score: 8 out of 10

How do you eat yours?

We were excited to try
the new Jaffa Cakes flavour,
sadly the the taste of strawberry
was not one to savour.

The dark chocolate mix
didn't give us our citrus fix,
whilst the choice of fruit
did not suit.

How do you eat yours?
Are you a scoffer
with an impatient jaw,
or do you make a luna eclipse
by putting half between your lips?

Do you nibble round the edge,
and save the best 'til last,
or head straight to the jelly
and eat it fast?!

Biscuits: Strawberry Jaffa Cakes
Tasting Notes: Bleak (see poem)
Score: 4 out of 10

Beast from the North

Across Europe there's a magenta warning,
extra snowfall due to global warming,
there aren't many places to go,
when you're under 10 foot of snow,
if you get our drift,
to avoid the avalanches,
jump on a ski lift.

Even as the flakes are falling,
events across the globe are snowballing,
Donald Trump is serving unhappy meals,
and failing to do any wall building deals,
maybe he could use burgers as bricks,
to keep out the poor put upon Hispanics.

There's no snow here but Theresa May's frozen out,
in Parliament she holds no clout,
everyone's giving her the cold shoulder,
if she'd have listened to us we would have told her,
Brexit's snow joke!

Biscuits: Graze Protein Bites

Tasting Notes: Yuck, taste like hay.

Score:  3.5 out of 10

Builders' Biccy Break

We're eating builders' biscuits
We're drinking builders' tea
Everything's expensive
When they add on VAT
These biscuits didn't break our bank
Because we got them free
Katherine kindly gifted this treat
We're eating them with glee

Paul once built some houses
For the gentry in Romsey
Karl created Lego dwellings
Building made him happy
If builders hadn't fixed Mandy's roof
It would still be seriously leaky
Keep the biscuits coming
And they'll work much harder you'll see.

Feed your builders well
Whilst they're working on the job
A custard cream, a jaffa cake or a chocolate hob nob!

Biscuits: Family Circle

Tasting Notes: Short and bready. Thanks Katherine x

Score:  8.5 out of 10

It's all about circles

One footed turtles
always swim in circles,
if you like going round and round
you'll feel sublime
on the Circle line,
in the EU starry circle
you're sure to find Angela Merkel,
if you want to raise objects vertical
contact the Magic Circle,
when in a knitting circle group
careful you don't drop a loop,
everyone's a member of the circle of life
we all have our share of happiness and strife,
were crop circles caused by UFOs
or was it farmers with planks and hoes?
we're a friendship circle within a poetry group
eating biscuits, sharing rhymes and feeling cock-a-hoop!

Biscuits: Family Circle

Tasting Notes: Familiar. Thank you Cami for bringing them in.

Score:  7 out of 10

Christkindlesmarkt

Everywhere you look there's a Christmas Market.
If you go in a car there's no where to park it,
travel on foot and 'Alles ist gut',
Drink mulled cider to make you wilder,
and feast on bratwurst until you burst.
The Germans prefer Gluhwein to Mulled wine,
and Stollen to Christmas cake,
mix it altogether and you're sure to get bellyache.
If you can't get to Germany then pop to Aldi and Lidl,
or somewhere in the middle,
wear a Christmas jumper and Lederhosen,
and hang out 'til closing!

Biscuits: Butter Speculatius

Tasting Notes: They transport you to a German Christmas Market!

Score:  7 out of 10

Terence Aloysious John Rattigan Brown

Terry is a carpenter, restaurateur and ceiling suspender, 

But most of all a jester and word bender, 

For 17 years he’s attended Headway, 

Entertaining us with a new joke every day (well almost), 

An active poet, wordsmith and artist, 

At our Biscuit Poetry sessions he will be sorely missed, 

He’s off to pastures new, 

To meet new friends in his room with a view, 

He might escape to the pub he must confess, 

Yet he doesn’t drink any more or to be fair any less, 

Goodbye Terry from the bottom of our hearts, 

It won’t be the same when we’re apart, 

Thanks for all the laughs! 

Biscuits: Tesco Lebkuchen

Tasting Notes: German and Christmassy

Score:  7 out of 10

Streets where we live

In life there's many streets
often with potholes to massage your feet!
Jo lived on Windy Willow Way
in the good ole USA,
Martyn resided in a homely abode
downtown on Malmesbury road,
Terry spent years in Spain
and also on Ash Hill lane,
Olly's Mehetaled Road traffic did lack
because it was a cul-de-sac,
Brian's been in Woodlands for half a century
and it's kept it's rural landscape and identity,
Paul's been a lifetime in a close called Laburnum
and he comes to Headway without a frown,
at present Mandy dwells in Thurmond Crescent
which keeps her mood effervescent,
Ormsby Drive is where Jegan resides
round the road is where he used to ride,
In Westfield Road Karl spent his youth
the neighbours were friendly - not aloof,
Our favourite place not to be forgotten
is right here in Commercial Road - Totton!

Biscuits: Hovis digestive biscuits
Tasting Notes: Taste like 'travelling the road to home'
Score:  8 out of 10

Marvel-lous

Many a child's imagination was sparked by Marvel comics
Alter egos Spider-man, Iron Man and the Hulk
Reeked revenge on criminal minds like the Green Goblin
Victorious every time, they left the bad guys to sulk
Evil was overcome, their superhuman feats were mind boggling
Locking baddies behind bars away from society
Leading the way with moral authority
Overcoming maligned and mutated villains who were hated
Unfortunately the marvellous Marvel creator has gone
Stan Lee will always be a superhero, his legacy will never go - who knows he may well play a final cameo....

Biscuits: Cosy wafers from Vietnam
Tasting Notes: MARVELLOUS!!
Score:  5 out of 10

What Makes Us Nutty

Banana skins under our feet

Too much traffic on the street

Doggy do on our shoe

makes us swear 'til our faces are blue

Illegal parking in disabled bays

Roadworks sending us different ways

Advert breaks on the box

The washing machine eating our socks

People spitting on the floor

Christmas shopping in the store

Using phones at the dinner table

making others feel unstable

Throwing litter on the grass

Bullies - someone kick their ass!

A Mum being specific about her baby's age

A few random things that make us rage!

Biscuits: Nutty Bites
Tasting Notes: Like bird seed
Score:  5 out of 10

Write me a rainbow

Biscuits: Pretzel M&M's - from the USA, thank you Nikki
Tasting Notes: Rainbows
Score:  7 out of 10

Planetary Insanity

We are the needy greedy
instant gratification generation
without much thought or contemplation
about the impact of our civilisation
on nature's beautiful creation

Our white goods have built in obsolescence
further evidence of our foolhardy decadence
fast fashion is destroying our eco-system
teens wear outfits once and then dismiss them

The invention of PVC was deemed fantastic
100 years later we are rueing the day
we're surrounded by a surplus of plastic
suffocated by mastic
that will take thousands of years to decay

Since the start of the industrial revolution
mankind took a wrong turn in our evolution
before we make all our species extinct
let's come together for a global rethink

Biscuits: Kallo Apple and Cinnamon corn and rice cakes
Tasting Notes: Plastic!
Score:  2 out of 10

Love it or Hate it

Some foodstuffs make our stomachs turn,
the mere thought of them causes concern,
simply their taste, texture or smell,
can result in us feeling quite unwell.

The bitter taste of celery,
 cause some to pull a face,
whilst others love the crispy crunch,
and the need to chew at pace,

The wobble of blancmange bright pink
can cheer or induce the spirits to sink,
whilst liver and bacon on your plate,
can make you smile or seal your fate!

Yet the real 'love it, hate it' food,
that divides the nation's mood,
is the yeasty spread Marmite,
Who's right?
There's only one way to find out - FIGHT!

Biscuits: Marmite Breakfast Biscuits
Tasting Notes: You either love them or hate them!
Score:  10 out of 10 or 1 out of 10.

Farewell Katie

Katie Clements has gone
to do a Masters Degree,
we hope she's be really happy
in Bristol City.

We'll miss her carrot onsie
amazing hats and arty ways,
forgetting her phone, scratching the Nissan
and brightening up our days.

No longer will we watch her
spilling food down her front,
or correcting a certain someone
for being rather blunt.

With her awkward left handed knitting
and crossword decrypting,
we'll miss her greatly
Good luck Katie!

Biscuits: Viennese sandwich fingers
Tasting Notes: Sweet and crunchy!
Score:  8 out of 10