On your metal

Alchemists of old

Lied to turn lead into gold.

Brass-necked, bold as bronze,

They spoke with silver tongues.

Slippery and variable,

Fickle as nickel, mercurial,

Hard of heart, like steel,

Pursuing their dream and their deal.

For the transformation of zinc

These charlatans struggled to think.

Secrets circulated amongst ‘em

But still they couldn’t make tungsten.

But now the copper strikes his iron fist

And alchemy has vanished in time’s mist,

Although sadly now new scams abound.

In banks, on line, nowhere is safe for your pound.

Modern tricksters your gold will take

And turn it to a leaden fake.

Biscuit:  McVitie's Gold Bar
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £1 per pack of 8 from The 99p Store