Dreaming of a First French Noel

On the first day of Christmas
Our true loves sent to us:
One French quail,
Two garlic snails,
Three French Le Pens,
Four wretched roosters,
Five camemberts,
Six goose livers,
Seven cyclists touring,
Eight escargot stewing,
Nine dames dancing,
Ten frogs a prancing,
Eleven waiters sneering,
Twelve French kisses
Under the mistletoe
With a Michelin star
Or two or three
And a French patisserie
Based on the Bayeux Tapisserie.
A Bayeux Tapestry biscuit
That proved a striking hit,
Unlike this chauvinistic verse,
Which we think one of our worst.
One in the eye, though, Mrs May,
Pour vous et tous les Anglais.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!