The Biscuit With No Name

Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
No, it's the biscuit with no name,
Nameless yet delicious,
Though the lack of label
makes us suspicious.

What is baker Fiona trying to hide?
We hope there's nothing unsavoury inside.
It's a biscuit baked with anonymity
can we trust it's edibility?
(is it safe to dip in tea?).

Convention demands nomination
of this nutty, naughty, chocolate creation.
A magic moment biscuit fit for Perry Como
deserved of a cooked up name,
 INCHOCNITO!

Biscuit:  Biscuit With No Name
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: Homemade chocolate and nut biscuits from Fiona

Bookings please!

A simply joyous gig at Irwin Mitchell last night.
Shan shone, Jegan joked, Terry terrorised the audience with gags a plenty, Karl cleverly adopted accents from across the globe, Denis dazzled with his extreme articulation, Lee loved the audience and very nearly broke into song, Olly overwhelmed with his biscuit bard rapping and Vicky was velvety, voluminous and voluptuous.

The Biscuit Poets are now ready for anything, if you need some inspirational entertainment for a corporate event, team building day, inspirational seminar or even a bar mitzvah then hire us, you will be surprised, inspired and will certainly laugh a lot.

National Biscuit Day

On the 29th of May
in Ireland and the UK
it was National Biscuit Day.

We savour and adore
these biscuits
handmade in Lismore
the town where Fred Astaire
danced in the square
with sister Adele
down the cobbled thoroughfare

What a perfect way
to celebrate National Biscuit Day
a choreographic display
of dark chocolate and cardamom
but where's Ginger?

Biscuit:  Dark Chocolate and Cardamom
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Not sure but they tasted expensive!

The Biscuitology of Brain Injury

[One of our hardest hitting poems to raise awareness during Action for Brain Injury Week]

Morning Coffee biscuits
are caffeine injections for my voice
propelling me to talk about brain injury
how it changed my life and took away choice

When a bomb goes off in your head
people say "you're lucky you're not dead"
and deep within the turmoil hidden inside
I know, on that day I so nearly died

The fear and the pain in the eyes of my family
were part and parcel of the unfolding tragedy
the constant confusion of being alive
battled to suffocate my will to survive

Now it's hard to find the right person to love
although I would and could -
but can't
because the whole damn world exists on a slant

Now the person I am is simplified
and I feel for once time's on my side
I'm on a journey - no desire to regret
Just tell me please, am I there yet?

Biscuit: Crawford's Morning Coffee

Taste test: 5 out of 10
Cost:  2 for £1 from Poundland in Shirley

Seeing Red

[To be read in a frenzy]

Red is the colour of
danger, strawberries,
dragons, debt, ketchup,
warning, lust, labour,
chillies, Mars, blood
communists, Ayres Rock
fury, shame, fire,
flames of passion,
lipstick on your collar,
heat, devils, wine,
ferraris, grapes, wrath,
anger, tomatoes
STOP!

Biscuit:  Red Velvet Cake
Taste test: 9.99999 out of 10
Cost: Made by Mia (thank you Mia, makes a change from biscuits!)

Green is the colour

As Kermit the Frog once said:
"It's not easy being green",
just ask Caroline Lucas
the only green MP
in the Westminster Village,
who's fighting against
the rape and pillage
of our planet.
Trident - the Greens want to ban it,
Renewable energy - they are a fan of it.
They're against corruption
and global destruction,
their membership is on the up
Labour and Conservative
with all their envy
are turning green,
in political terms they're has-beens.
Green is most definitely the colour!


Biscuit:  Koala's March (in Green!)
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: Brought back from Thailand (thanks Denis)

The dark side of the Med

Sun, sea, sand,
the glistening blue of the Mediterranean Sea
a holiday destination for the 'oh so wealthy'
cocktails, parasols, romance and good times
hoards of tourists enjoying the sunshine

Yet that mirage masks a harsh reality
of many migrants trying to flee
the lives of atrocity and uncertainty
they face back in their own country

Where their daily existence is so hard -so grim
that they are willing to risk life and limb
by putting their faith in human trafficking
boarding unsafe ships unable to swim

1400 lives lost last week
a body count too high - too bleak
The Med is now a deep dark grave
A watery master eager to enslave

Biscuit: Want Want Seaweed Rice Crackers
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: Brought back from Hong Kong (thanks Denis)