May We?

Mother may we?
Yes you may
Hip hip hooray
Today is May Day
Pinch Punch first day of the month
A nip and a kick for being so quick
A poke in the eye for being so sly
A slap round the face - you're a disgrace!
The darling buds of May are running late
they better bloomin' hurry or they'll miss their due date
Yet Youngsters are still prancing around the Maypole
Their joy and colour lifts the soul,
Soon Theresa May's Tories will face their own poll
Will they or won't they find themselves on the dole?!

Biscuits: Mcvities Dark Chocolate Digestives
Tasting Notes: Delish with a capital D
Score: 9/10

Flat as a Cracker

We feel flat,
flat as a Jacob's cracker
flat, dry and uninspired.

Why couldn't we have a choccie biscuit?
Terry enquired.

A covering of cheddar
would definitely make it better.

A juicy grape
would prevent us from going ape.

Creamy butter
would send our hearts a flutter.

Liver pate
would stop us from throwing them away.

With the addition of pickle
We'd cease being fickle.

It seems Jacob's need something on top
without they're a cracker flop!


Biscuits: Jacob's Crackers
Tasting Notes: Very dry, improved with a topping!
Score: 7/10

Jammin'

If you're a fan of Cream or The Jam,
Or if you like cheesier music like Wham!,
We're having a Headway jam-in session
A sort-of musical delicatessen

If you feel like you need your five a day,
Bananarama you could play.
Squeeze some Orange Juice, save the Pulp,
Or of Buck's Fizz you could have a gulp!

If Spice Girls aren't your cup of tea,
You might prefer Hot Chocolate musically.
If it's not Sweet enough, add some Sugababes,
And toast some Bread with some Marmalade.

If you need your vitamin Bs and Cs,
Mix some Red Hot Chili Peppers with some Black Eyed Peas,
But if you find it too hot and there's too much spice,
Cool yourself down with Vanilla Ice.

Whatever is your music taste,
Pop music, Bubblegum, or Drum 'n' Baste,
There's always something that you could savour,
Relax and enjoy the rhythmic flavour.
(Or a semi-Quaver!)

Biscuits: Tower Gate Jam and Cream Biscuits

Taste test: 8 out of 10

Cost: 45p from Lidl

What came first the biscuit or the poem?

Four minutes for soft
ten minutes for hard
surrounded by soldiers
to dip and to guard

Boiled, scrambled,
poached with Hollandaise
fried with ham
there are so many ways

They're perfect for painting
some grandmothers suck them
tread carefully on their shells
eating chocolate ones at Easter - no problem

They are buried by turtles in the sand
hens lay them out the back 'a their cloaca
Emperor penguins balance them on their feet
this eggscellent poem is a real cracker!

Biscuits: Amandel Speculaas

Taste test: 8 out of 10

Cost: A gift from Holland - thanks Ruud

Memorable Moments

Biscuit memories are made of this:
Moments of laughter and absolute bliss
We remember performing at many events
in churches, an office, parks, even tents.

We devised poetry beneath the trees
with poet Mark Rutter,
it made birds spread their wings
and butterflies flutter.

With Johnny Fluffypunk
we had many a poetic laugh
mainly aimed at his
eccentric moustache!

We wrote sonnets like Shakespeare
with Matthew West
and performed them with gusto
at Brian's behest.

For seven years now
we've put pencil to paper
our intelligent verse is rarely terse
and each Tuesday is a rollicking caper.

Biscuits: Ikea Kafferep (is memorable moments with laughter and biscuits)

Taste test: 9 out of 10

Cost: Cheap and cheerful from Ikea

Goodbye Peter

Goodbye Mr Cotton,
You will not be forgotten.

Your leadership has always been spot on,
Your presence will be missed in Totton

We salute your rhyming prose,
Which is always on the nose.
Your writing prowess
Brought our poetry finesse.

Goodbye Mr Cotton,
You will not be forgotten.

As a manager no one could be better,
An expert on brain trauma.

Ciao for now,
Take a bow.
You’re throwing in the towel
To spend time with your trowel.

Goodbye Mr Cotton,
You will not be forgotten.

So it’s farewell from all the folks,
You might miss us,
But will you miss Terry’s jokes?

TTFN

Biscuits: Shortbread

Taste test: 8 out of 10

Cost: A gift courtesy Peter

Snow Stories

On the first day of spring
Winter returned with a sting.
The south of England stood white and still
Under an unseasonal March chill.

Karl’s young nephew saw
His first view of snow.

John T built his snowman,
But Jen missed her film, ‘The Greatest Showman’.
Her greatest thrill
Was pushing a car uphill
Without a spill.

Lee’s daughter rubbed snow
In his gingerbread beard.
To his hand she held tight
So he continued upright.

Much to his disappointment
Olly’s routine appointment
Led to a seven hour wait
That left him irate
Until offered a lift by a good Samaritan
With snow chains on her van.
Martin’s neighbour knocked at his door
To offer her kind succour.

Poor Katie was more than miffed
When she locked herself out
In the midst of a snow drift
So went down the pub and drank a milk stout.

But the best and tastiest snowflake
Was the icing on Trudi’s carrot cake.

Biscuits: Trudi's homemade carrot cake

Taste test: 10 out of 10

Cost: A gift courtesy of the Snow Day