Did you know?

The unicorn only has one horn,
it feels forlorn,
on account of being extinct
since the dawn (of time),
this poem sucks,
these biscuits are yuck
and should be withdrawn

Biscuits: Flipz Unicornz

Tasting Notes: Awful and lilac, smell like unicorn poo

Score:  1 out of 10

To Bee or not to Bee

What would happen to our civilisation
If there was no bee pollination?
Because we're destroying their habitat,
There will be no food and that is that.

We need to stop using pesticides
or else the species won't survive,
if man can cultivate the land
bees will give a helping hand

Bees need our love
to stay alive in their hive,
With Valentines Day on the way
Give your honey some flowers that day.

Year of the Pig

Time to celebrate it's Chinese New Year,
Have a takeaway and a sneaky beer!

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs like to rout about and snuffle,
as they hunt around for a hidden truffle,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs are clean and smart,
even though all they seem to do is fart.

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

Pigs are omnivores and love their veg,
they are often found rooting around in a hedge,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

The verderers, the Forest they like to manage,
by sending out the pigs to pannage,

Do a little jig,
it's the Year of the Pig.

In China they'll be running around in the muck,
because in Chinese astrology pigs mean good luck.

Yeah, we are definitely going to dig
the Year of the Pig!

Biscuits: Hello Panda
Tasting Notes: Unusual and fun
Score: 8 out of 10

The Lonely Moon

It's a lonely rock in the midst of space,
full of beauty,
full of grace,
only 12 people have visited its cratered crust,
two dozen boots have stirred it's dust.

Like all of us it has a dark side,
it affects our water and pulls our tide,
werewolves will howl when they come out at night,
seeking victims to bite in its eery light.

The romance of the lune
makes everyone swoon,
heavenly satellite,
our eternal moon.

Biscuits: Lemon and Lime Jaffa Cakes
Tasting Notes: Tangy
Score: 7 out of 10

How do you eat yours?

We were excited to try
the new Jaffa Cakes flavour,
sadly the the taste of strawberry
was not one to savour.

The dark chocolate mix
didn't give us our citrus fix,
whilst the choice of fruit
did not suit.

How do you eat yours?
Are you a scoffer
with an impatient jaw,
or do you make a luna eclipse
by putting half between your lips?

Do you nibble round the edge,
and save the best 'til last,
or head straight to the jelly
and eat it fast?!

Biscuits: Strawberry Jaffa Cakes
Tasting Notes: Bleak (see poem)
Score: 4 out of 10

Beast from the North

Across Europe there's a magenta warning,
extra snowfall due to global warming,
there aren't many places to go,
when you're under 10 foot of snow,
if you get our drift,
to avoid the avalanches,
jump on a ski lift.

Even as the flakes are falling,
events across the globe are snowballing,
Donald Trump is serving unhappy meals,
and failing to do any wall building deals,
maybe he could use burgers as bricks,
to keep out the poor put upon Hispanics.

There's no snow here but Theresa May's frozen out,
in Parliament she holds no clout,
everyone's giving her the cold shoulder,
if she'd have listened to us we would have told her,
Brexit's snow joke!

Biscuits: Graze Protein Bites

Tasting Notes: Yuck, taste like hay.

Score:  3.5 out of 10

Builders' Biccy Break

We're eating builders' biscuits
We're drinking builders' tea
Everything's expensive
When they add on VAT
These biscuits didn't break our bank
Because we got them free
Katherine kindly gifted this treat
We're eating them with glee

Paul once built some houses
For the gentry in Romsey
Karl created Lego dwellings
Building made him happy
If builders hadn't fixed Mandy's roof
It would still be seriously leaky
Keep the biscuits coming
And they'll work much harder you'll see.

Feed your builders well
Whilst they're working on the job
A custard cream, a jaffa cake or a chocolate hob nob!

Biscuits: Family Circle

Tasting Notes: Short and bready. Thanks Katherine x

Score:  8.5 out of 10