Christkindlesmarkt

Everywhere you look there's a Christmas Market.
If you go in a car there's no where to park it,
travel on foot and 'Alles ist gut',
Drink mulled cider to make you wilder,
and feast on bratwurst until you burst.
The Germans prefer Gluhwein to Mulled wine,
and Stollen to Christmas cake,
mix it altogether and you're sure to get bellyache.
If you can't get to Germany then pop to Aldi and Lidl,
or somewhere in the middle,
wear a Christmas jumper and Lederhosen,
and hang out 'til closing!

Biscuits: Butter Speculatius

Tasting Notes: They transport you to a German Christmas Market!

Score:  7 out of 10

We're Rootin' and Tootin'

Howdy pardner!

Get awf your hoss

And take a bite of this rootin’, tootin’ chocolate bar.

It’s called a Canyon.

It’s chunky, it’s rugged.

Cacti stand proud in the Wild West landscape of its wrapper.

It promises cowboy adventure and all the glamour of the cowboy life.

But it’s a fiddle.

Cos it comes from Lidl. 

This poem was submitted by a guest writer. If you fancy writing your own biscuit poem then have a go and send it to us through our website: www.headway-southampton.org.uk

Biscuit: Canyon Bar
Taste test: 8.3 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Lidl - thanks Miles!

Making A Mint

From Lidl, assuming there’s no fiddle.

Poor old Lloyds have almost no money.

Don’t you find that terribly funny.

Other banks are making a mint.

They’ve left the rest of us skint.

They’re so choc full of cash

They can’t hide their huge stash.

Their managers feel no stress

They’ve followed the rules of RBS.

Like Fred the Shred they live so well

And leave the rest of us to rot in hell.

The staff will come off worst, we bet,

As the black horse gallops into the sunset.

Short and sweet like this biscuit.

Our accountant, Jegan, has worked out

The proportion of chocolate in it.

Eighty nine per cent or just about.

Biscuit: Mister CHOC  Crispy Mint Choco Chips 

Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: Cheap as chips from Lidl in Totton

There was a young man from Costa Rica.....

There was a young man from Costa Rica,
who lost his heart to a streaker,
he took his eye off the ball,
which was a very bad call,
as he was their national keeper.

Biscuit: Delizie

Taste test: 7.5 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Vicky and Anita from Lidl

Favorini Wafer Rolls

Oh my favourite Favorini,

Never eaten by Mussolini,

Shaped like a cigar,

But containing no tar,

Helter skelter in white.

Slim and twisty,

Twirly, with a misty

Hazy hint of hazelnut,

Perfect for my gut.

Spiralled like a barber’s pole,

Can’t stop eating these, we’ve lost control.

Rather sweet and sugary,

The crème is a touch too powdery.

Never mind the rhyme

We’ve very little time.

Pass me another of these

Says Brian, please.

They’re simply so sublime.

Biscuit: Favorini Wafer Rolls with Hazelnut Crème

Taste test: 9.2 out of 10
Cost: Under £2 from Lidl in Totton

Feeling the Biscuit Blues

(Sounds best when you sing it in a bluesy way - go on you can do it!)

Woke up this morning
feeling January blue.
Opened the cupboard
found no biscuits to chew.

The cupboard was bare,
had diddly squat.
Went down to Lidl
Waffel Rollchen's what I got.

A cinnamon wafer
rolled nice and tight
will tickle your tastebuds
and crunch when you bite.

My spirits need raising
my waistline needs trimming.
Gimme these biscuits
to help with my slimming.

Eating these waffles
will be the solution.
They'll help me to stick
to my New Year resolution.

Want to spice up my life,
need to revive my soul.
Gotta find a new wife
and learn to waffle and roll.

Biscuit: Waffel Rollchen

Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Esther. (Thanks Est)

If you would like us to write a poem about your favourite biscuits then send us a packet to The Biscuit Poets, Headway Southampton 120 Commercial Road, Totton, Southampton SO40 3AD.

Yule Tidings

T'was the week before Christmas
on a crisp winter's morn
2012 years after Jesus was born.

Santa was getting ready
his eleves were in tow
his reindeer were snorting, eager to go.

Many elves were poorly
and in great distress
the National Elf Service was really hard pressed.

But who will feed Rudolf
his 5 carrots a day?
He won't have the energy to pull Santa's sleigh.

Fear not here's Lidl's Choco Softies
a light marshmallow treat
they'll keep Rudolf moving 'til he lands on his feet.

MERRY CHRISTMAS HO HO HO

Biscuit: Choco Softies

Taste test: 7.3 out of 10
Cost: Not much, lost the receipt, but bought from Lidl so good value!