Go set a clock

Should unpublished books
be left to rest unread?
Better not to disturb the dead?
Leave sequels to our imaginations,
don't disappoint our great expectations.

Shield us from the mental struggle
of accepting Potter's transformation to muggle.
Harry Potter at the Chamber of Commerce
would spell a literary turn for the worse.

Who'd want to read about
Lady Chatterley's mother
or George Orwell's little brother
James Herbert's gerbils wouldn't scare
and nobody cares for Euston Bear!

Biscuit:  Tim Tams
Taste test: 7.7 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Denis

Porkies

As a pig I'm much misunderstood
and I'm not one of those patrolling your neighbourhood!

You say I'm dirty and smelly
while you savour a plate of my pork belly,

Surely my bangers and rashers you'd sorely miss
if they did not feature in your Full English,

You think I'm taboo, I'm unclean
that my eyes are small and mean

Yet I'm celebrated with delight
by George Orwell and E.B. White,

Your children adore my celebrity set
Babe, Miss Piggy, Peppa and Piglet,

How can you say my snout's in the trough
when it's bankers and traders who can't get enough?

I could be your friend, I could be your lover
or maybe just a pig - undercover.



Biscuit: Percy Pig

Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: £2 from Marks and Spencer in Lymington