Tuesday, 30 June 2015

A Poem that may drag on











Perhaps dragons derive from dinosaurs
rather than from mother-in-laws.

Although both are grim and fire-breathing,
there’s only one you can believe in.

Dragons are the villains of ancient fairy tales
and also the emblem of the flag of Wales.

Dragons spend their leisure
dwelling in a cave
filled with treasure,
saving energy for a weekend monster rave,
finding their pleasure
devising ways to misbehave.

Once, high overhead they flew
until along came St George and slew
the most fearsome but the last.
And now, alas, they live only in the past.


Biscuit:  Dibus Dragon Biscuits
Taste test: 8 out of 10


Cost: 99p from the 99p store

Friday, 26 June 2015

Have I got old news for you

Does old news simply go away
because it's not front page today?

Has everyone with Ebola recovered
or are there thousands more cases
 to be discovered?
Is Kathmandu recovering with slow trepidation
or are aftershocks still traumatising the nation?
Are migrants homeward bound on sturdy ships
or are they still making their one way death trips?

Is it the media who are obsessed with new
or is it that we don't want to be retold
the old?
Who knows?

Biscuit:  Cadbury's Caramel Biscuit
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Paul





Tuesday, 16 June 2015

The Biscuit With No Name



Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
No, it's the biscuit with no name,
Nameless yet delicious,
Though the lack of label
makes us suspicious.

What is baker Fiona trying to hide?
We hope there's nothing unsavoury inside.
It's a biscuit baked with anonymity
can we trust it's edibility?
(is it safe to dip in tea?).

Convention demands nomination
of this nutty, naughty, chocolate creation.
A magic moment biscuit fit for Perry Como
deserved of a cooked up name,
 INCHOCNITO!

Biscuit:  Biscuit With No Name
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: Homemade chocolate and nut biscuits from Fiona

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Bookings please!



A simply joyous gig at Irwin Mitchell last night.
Shan shone, Jegan joked, Terry terrorised the audience with gags a plenty, Karl cleverly adopted accents from across the globe, Denis dazzled with his extreme articulation, Lee loved the audience and very nearly broke into song, Olly overwhelmed with his biscuit bard rapping and Vicky was velvety, voluminous and voluptuous.

The Biscuit Poets are now ready for anything, if you need some inspirational entertainment for a corporate event, team building day, inspirational seminar or even a bar mitzvah then hire us, you will be surprised, inspired and will certainly laugh a lot.

Friday, 5 June 2015

National Biscuit Day




On the 29th of May
in Ireland and the UK
it was National Biscuit Day.

We savour and adore
these biscuits
handmade in Lismore
the town where Fred Astaire
danced in the square
with sister Adele
down the cobbled thoroughfare

What a perfect way
to celebrate National Biscuit Day
a choreographic display
of dark chocolate and cardamom
but where's Ginger?

Biscuit:  Dark Chocolate and Cardamom
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Not sure but they tasted expensive!

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

The Biscuitology of Brain Injury

[One of our hardest hitting poems to raise awareness during Action for Brain Injury Week]

Morning Coffee biscuits
are caffeine injections for my voice
propelling me to talk about brain injury
how it changed my life and took away choice

When a bomb goes off in your head
people say "you're lucky you're not dead"
and deep within the turmoil hidden inside
I know, on that day I so nearly died

The fear and the pain in the eyes of my family
were part and parcel of the unfolding tragedy
the constant confusion of being alive
battled to suffocate my will to survive

Now it's hard to find the right person to love
although I would and could -
but can't
because the whole damn world exists on a slant

Now the person I am is simplified
and I feel for once time's on my side
I'm on a journey - no desire to regret
Just tell me please, am I there yet?


Biscuit: Crawford's Morning Coffee
Taste test: 5 out of 10
Cost:  2 for £1 from Poundland in Shirley

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Seeing Red


[To be read in a frenzy]

Red is the colour of
danger, strawberries,
dragons, debt, ketchup,
warning, lust, labour,
chillies, Mars, blood
communists, Ayres Rock
fury, shame, fire,
flames of passion,
lipstick on your collar,
heat, devils, wine,
ferraris, grapes, wrath,
anger, tomatoes
STOP!

Biscuit:  Red Velvet Cake
Taste test: 9.99999 out of 10
Cost: Made by Mia (thank you Mia, makes a change from biscuits!)