Tuesday, 12 December 2017

Nether Netherland

If you're Dutch
you like the fifth of December
very much
it's at day to celebrate and remember

On that day
people scatter biscuits through the house
and give away
presents to each child from Santa Claus

On that day
Santa Claus arrives by boat
over the Zyder Zee
Down the canals of Amsterdam he will float

According to Ruud
Santa's helpers arrive on foot
covered from head to toe in blackened soot

On the next day
Santa leaves for Spain
with every child that's been a pain.

Biscuits: Kruid Noten
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: A Dutch Gift from Ruud

Tuesday, 5 December 2017

The Truth About Rudolph

Rudolph is the most renowned reindeer in the game
Every other reindeer is envious of his fame
Inebriation may well have led to his nasal rosy glow
Not easy to take off when sloshed in the arctic snow
Donner and Blitzen are always as jealous as hell
Each year they're at the back staring at his tail
Endeavour to deliver gifts despite the foggy night
Red nosed Rudi the sat nav shines his guiding light

Thursday, 30 November 2017

When Harry met Meghan

Harry and Meghan plan to get hitched.
Cynics say, give it a while and she’ll be ditched.

Others say, they’ll jump the broom
and we think Harry will make a handsome groom.

For the bride there’s controversy
About a lack of aristocracy
Or a family tree,
As she’s an American divorcee
With an echo from history
But maybe she’ll bring the royal family
Into the twenty first century.

Harry may be a man of the people
But they won’t be married under a steeple.

Even though the American’s dream might turn sour,
before we go that bit too far

We’d like to say,
‘Good luck Meghan, on your doubled day,
And good luck Harry, patron of Headway.’

Biscuits:Six Co-op Chocolate Coated Sour Cherry Biscuits
& Thornton's Double Chocolate Wafer Rolls
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: From the Co-op in Lymington

Tuesday, 21 November 2017

Rise every time you fall

Confucius said:
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing,
 but in rising every time we fall".
Like a phoenix emerging from the fire,
keep ascending with the will to aspire,
seize the day and fulfill your desire,
like the fire rooster keep flying higher.

Biscuits:Beijing's Classic Snacks
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: A gift from China

Tuesday, 14 November 2017


On Mull every day is rainy,
a local dons his mackintosh,
the River Tobermory
becomes awash.

The islanders on Mull,
are far from dull,
they're quirky with a lot of soul.
Some spend many a day aloft,
as they sip wee drams on their croft.

Mullochs exist at an easy pace,
recycling everything to avoid waste,
set apart from the modern rat race,
of stress there is no trace.

It rains a lot on Mull,
the sun often stops shining,
but every cloud has a biscuit lining,
hydroelectricity supplies the energy,
to produce lemon melts
of the highest quality.

Biscuits: Island Bakery Lemon Melts
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: £2.99 from Waitrose (worth every penny according to Lee!)

Friday, 10 November 2017

Reunification of a nation

Germany's heart was torn apart
Berlin was divided in two
families were affected
when the wall was erected
East and West
Two opposing ideologies
political enemies
9.11.89 Checkpoint Charlie
became benign
the iron curtain fell
it was reunification time
Germany gave the world a sign
young people with mullets
hit the wall with mallets
proclaiming peace through their graffiti
aerosol poets rewriting the treaty

Biscuits: Lebkuchen Herzen
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Berlin

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Scared? Who's scared?!

It's All Hallow's Eve
We're being watched by the Evil Eye
At midnight the witches swoop by
Tonight's the night when vampire bats fly

Skeletons rise creakily from their ancient graves
and articulate their bones
Zombies fight to grapple
for a sticky toffee apple

Sugar fuelled children roam the streets
dressed up for trick or treat
desperate for sweets
egg his door - shriek!

Mummies and Daddies
make pumpkins jump out of their skins
spiders are busy cobwebbing
whilst people are apple bobbing
Bolt the door and watch the Blue Planet II

Biscuits: Nairn's Dark Chocolate Chip
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.35 from Waitrose in Lymington