Tuesday, 19 May 2015

The Biscuitology of Brain Injury

[One of our hardest hitting poems to raise awareness during Action for Brain Injury Week]

Morning Coffee biscuits
are caffeine injections for my voice
propelling me to talk about brain injury
how it changed my life and took away choice

When a bomb goes off in your head
people say "you're lucky you're not dead"
and deep within the turmoil hidden inside
I know, on that day I so nearly died

The fear and the pain in the eyes of my family
were part and parcel of the unfolding tragedy
the constant confusion of being alive
battled to suffocate my will to survive

Now it's hard to find the right person to love
although I would and could -
but can't
because the whole damn world exists on a slant

Now the person I am is simplified
and I feel for once time's on my side
I'm on a journey - no desire to regret
Just tell me please, am I there yet?


Biscuit: Crawford's Morning Coffee
Taste test: 5 out of 10
Cost:  2 for £1 from Poundland in Shirley

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Seeing Red


[To be read in a frenzy]

Red is the colour of
danger, strawberries,
dragons, debt, ketchup,
warning, lust, labour,
chillies, Mars, blood
communists, Ayres Rock
fury, shame, fire,
flames of passion,
lipstick on your collar,
heat, devils, wine,
ferraris, grapes, wrath,
anger, tomatoes
STOP!

Biscuit:  Red Velvet Cake
Taste test: 9.99999 out of 10
Cost: Made by Mia (thank you Mia, makes a change from biscuits!)

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Green is the colour





As Kermit the Frog once said:
"It's not easy being green",
just ask Caroline Lucas
the only green MP
in the Westminster Village,
who's fighting against
the rape and pillage
of our planet.
Trident - the Greens want to ban it,
Renewable energy - they are a fan of it.
They're against corruption
and global destruction,
their membership is on the up
Labour and Conservative
with all their envy
are turning green,
in political terms they're has-beens.
Green is most definitely the colour!


Biscuit:  Koala's March (in Green!)
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: Brought back from Thailand (thanks Denis)


Thursday, 30 April 2015

The dark side of the Med



Sun, sea, sand,
the glistening blue of the Mediterranean Sea
a holiday destination for the 'oh so wealthy'
cocktails, parasols, romance and good times
hoards of tourists enjoying the sunshine

Yet that mirage masks a harsh reality
of many migrants trying to flee
the lives of atrocity and uncertainty
they face back in their own country

Where their daily existence is so hard -so grim
that they are willing to risk life and limb
by putting their faith in human trafficking
boarding unsafe ships unable to swim

1400 lives lost last week
a body count too high - too bleak
The Med is now a deep dark grave
A watery master eager to enslave

Biscuit: Want Want Seaweed Rice Crackers
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: Brought back from Hong Kong (thanks Denis)



Thursday, 23 April 2015

Our Manifesto







Vote for the only party
that promotes biscuit poetry.

We will increase your slice of the centre
We will give you more than crumbs on your plate.

There'll be no more hobnobbing now
in the corridors of power.

We will add to your benefits
wafers, chocolate fingers and other biscuits.

You'd be crackers to vote for anyone else:
Mr Farage is no more than a mirage
Mr Miliband is impossibly bland
Mr Clegg is cracked and broken like an egg
Mr Cameron and wife Sam just don't give a damn.

We are the icing on the top
the sweet cream of the crop.

Here's a digestive or two
of what we want to do.

Decent housing for the homeless
A living wage and nothing less.

An economy with low carbon emission
Honest and fair taxation.

Living benefits if you cannot work
Affordable public transport.

We think that it's sensible too
to stay within the EU.

The right proportion of our wealth
should be spent on the national health.

but we need money to be there
to provide for social care.

We know as well the hard fact
that the only way to pay is with more tax.

And if then we still need more cash
then Trident we will have to slash.

And extra VAT on biscuits and confectionery
might stop us eating quite so many.


An Election Poem by Jamie

Do I vote to pacify my own needs
or do I become an MP and do the dirty deed,
to take away what some people had
gone forever, that's rather sad.
What happened to 'we are all the same,
we are in this together'?
The cloud has burst
and to dirty weather.

I'd like to see the elderly in peace
to be cared for; looking after their needs.
To have our schools closer to home
so that no child has to roam.
Our workers paid enough money to survive
not needing food banks to stay alive.

My Manifesto by Shan

Keep those millions of quid from being flushed
down the waste loo.
Those developing countries' greedy governments have their own cash
don't give them even more to spend on themselves,
rather than their people.
You could cut the hot air that emits from politicans' mouths
and melt all the ear wax that makes them deaf to most people.
Scrap the FA, ECB, RFU etc etc and replace them
with boards that can actively work for their money.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Rice Cake Thins, Really?




Imagine our delight when we discovered there was already a poem written on the packaging of these rice cake thins - our work was already done, we could relax... 
Disappointingly their poem is rubbish. Scroll down to see our one liner response, devoid of marketing puffery.

Kallo's poem

There once was a caramel cannon,
It was oh such a magical sight.
It sent chocolate and caramel pieces,
Into wonderful sweet sticky flight.

The circus performers all loved it,
Especially the caramel clown.
He loved eating chocolate and caramel,
And whatever goes up must come down.

The Biscuit Poets' response

We are not admiring
 the texture of chocolate and polystyrene.

Biscuit: Kallo Belgian Milk Chocolate with Caramel Pieces Rice Cake Thins
Taste test: 1 out of 10 (Not, as they describe, 'Wizardy-Wee to have with your tea')
Cost: £1.69 from Ocado

Thursday, 2 April 2015

In the Groove


People stayin' alive
in their kipper ties
workin' nine to five
psychedelic disco lights flashing
glam guitars thrashing

GROOVY BABY

Bell bottoms you would wear
if you had funk and flair
diggin' the far out vibe
yet still doin' the nine to five

GROOVY BABY

Flares swaying, dudes hangin'
smooth movin', platform walkin'
Huggy Bear talkin' jive
still feelin' the nine to five

GROOVY BABY

Biscuit: Groovy Biscuits
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: 89p in Aldi in Romsey