Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Goodbye Peter

Goodbye Mr Cotton,
You will not be forgotten.

Your leadership has always been spot on,
Your presence will be missed in Totton

We salute your rhyming prose,
Which is always on the nose.
Your writing prowess
Brought our poetry finesse.

Goodbye Mr Cotton,
You will not be forgotten.

As a manager no one could be better,
An expert on brain trauma.

Ciao for now,
Take a bow.
You’re throwing in the towel
To spend time with your trowel.

Goodbye Mr Cotton,
You will not be forgotten.

So it’s farewell from all the folks,
You might miss us,
But will you miss Terry’s jokes?


Biscuits: Shortbread
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift courtesy Peter

Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Snow Stories

On the first day of spring
Winter returned with a sting.
The south of England stood white and still
Under an unseasonal March chill.

Karl’s young nephew saw
His first view of snow.

John T built his snowman,
But Jen missed her film, ‘The Greatest Showman’.
Her greatest thrill
Was pushing a car uphill
Without a spill.

Lee’s daughter rubbed snow
In his gingerbread beard.
To his hand she held tight
So he continued upright.

Much to his disappointment
Olly’s routine appointment
Led to a seven hour wait
That left him irate
Until offered a lift by a good Samaritan
With snow chains on her van.
Martin’s neighbour knocked at his door
To offer her kind succour.

Poor Katie was more than miffed
When she locked herself out
In the midst of a snow drift
So went down the pub and drank a milk stout.

But the best and tastiest snowflake
Was the icing on Trudi’s carrot cake.

Biscuits: Trudi's homemade carrot cake
Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: A gift courtesy of the Snow Day

Tuesday, 27 February 2018

Where is the Beast from the East?

On the East Coast
There is much disruption
the trains have stopped 
due to a snowflake eruption

Jo's son Bill wants it the most
but will it deign to snow 
on the South Coast?

Yesterday Karl spied 
a flake on a Totton street
but within the blink of an eye
it had turned to sleet!

It's meant to snow 
from three until four,
let's hope this time 
it sticks on the floor

We will be having 
snow fights galore.
Bring it on snow, 
more more more!

Wrap up well
it certainly won't be warm
when we're hit
by the Siberian Snow Storm

The UK will be colder
than the Arctic Circle
let's all steal thermals
from Angela Merkel.

Biscuits: Bonne Maman Croquants - noix de coco
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.75 from Waitrose in Lymington

Thursday, 22 February 2018

The New Place To Go

The Cultural Quarter in Southampton
Is the new place to go,
there's the Nuffield and the Hansard,
no longer just Nando's

It opened last Friday
with dancing and a fireworks display,
Southamptonians are delighted
they've waited many years for this day.

There'll be poetry, plays
and art installations
and ideas a plenty
 to inspire cultural conversation.

The Shadow Factory play
is about the Second World War
the cast is packed with celebrities
and starts galore.

There's a programme
including the 451 poetry night,
at last after years of anticipation
we can finally join in this celebration.

Biscuits: TOGO
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: 3.50 Euros from Italy

Tuesday, 20 February 2018

Sledging their bets and taking the piste

Danger and excitement enflames
The Korean winter Olympic games.

We love the thrill.
We adore the chill.

Although we enjoyed the ice hockey
That they played in Sochi,

Now the climate in Korea
Is causing apprehension and fear.

Cross winds and gales
Knock snowboarders off the rails.

We’re expecting some falls
In the sloping moguls

As the athletes twist and turn
To avoid a friction burn.

The Brits need a gong
But it may take us too long.

The Canadian flag is unfurling
To mark their couple’s win at curling.

There are other events that we could list,
Including breaking your wrist,

And British dismay
In the four man bobsleigh,

Free-style crash landing, falling on ice,
That may not look pretty, although the music is nice,

And sledging in Lycra that seems quite silly.
A fake fur coat would be far less chilly.

Koreans must feel a new sensation
With their sporting unification.

After years of hostile confrontation
They’ve come together as an Olympic nation.

But we expect it still
All to go downhill

Rather than make progress forward
Because in that North Korean cupboard

You will find not just the bobsleigh and the luge
But an array of skeletons that is so huge.

Biscuits: Director's selection of Highland Shortbread
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £11.10 from Amazon

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

We Salute the Suffragettes

It's the suffragette centenary
marking women's first step for liberty,
setting themselves free
from kitchen and household drudgery.
They wanted the vote, an occupation,
recognition and emancipation

Purple, green and white
were the colours of the suffragette fight,
they were hellbent
on destabilising the establishment,
chaining themselves to railings
on account of male failings.
They stopped eating and suffered many beatings,
some even resorted to starvation
to get themselves heard by the nation.

And so it continues today,
with the demand for equal pay,
we salute the women of yesteryear,
who took on the campaign without fear.

Biscuits: Nutter Butter
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: Gift from the USA

Tuesday, 30 January 2018

The Greatest Show-off on Earth

Barnum took the animals from the zoo
And taught them to perform in public view.
Tigers, seals, hippos, koalas and elephants too,
The pride of lions that made him proud,
All these creatures entertained the crowd.
For taming the big cats he had a real good tip
To wave his chair and crack his whip.

If children grew bored and began to frown,
He’d introduce Zippo the clown.

There's a sucker born every minute, so he said,
But Barnum himself wouldn’t let fame turn his head.
He ran his business with a purpose,
While ringmaster Trump has turned his whole show into a circus.
He may say the Mexicans and Africans are slackers,
But all his ideas are, just like these biscuits, crackers.

Biscuits: Barnum's Animals
Taste test:3 out of 10
Cost: $3.50 from Danny's Deli in New York City