Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Scentimental





I love the smell of oranges in the morning
it's very appealing and sends my senses reeling

Jegan prefers the smell of sherry in the evening
it gets him merry and sends him reeling

Lee likes the smell of an open window at dusk
it's a raw resuscitation to his next inhalation

Karl remembers the smell of dying embers
from the fire that burned all through the night

Mandy is driven crazy by the smell of Jalfrezi
her sinuses are stricken by the spices and chicken

Brian's memories are triggered
by the reek of spent gunpowder
Oh deer he missed

Ollie has a tear in  his eye
when he sniffs the spice of his stir-fry
the ginger, garlic and chilli
make him all excited and silly

Lee B enjoys the scent of cinnamon
baked into his Mum's apple pie
you may ask why
because it's bloody lovely!

Biscuit: Loacker Wafers (they smell lovely!)
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: 99p in Holland and Barrett, Lymington



Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Right to be Rude




These biscuits made us
question what is meant by rude
Distasteful, inappropriate, disgusting,
obscene or just plain crude.

Are you glad that page 3
is now bikini clad,
or is it just for your Dad?
Do you lament the decline
of manners,
does it make you want to march
with softly spoken banners?
Do you reminisce
about the yesterdays of Sir and Miss?
Cringe at those who blaspheme,
when their kids shout and scream?
Laugh at racist jokes,
or sympathise with those whom fun pokes?

Should everyone be free to offend,
are you accepting of this current trend?
Our democracy's based on the
principle of free speech.
So who the hell are we to preach?

Biscuit: Rude Health Spelt Oaty
Taste test: 6.5 out of 10 (but are they really biscuits?)
Cost: £2.10 from Waitrose in Lymington

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

#je suis charlie

charlie was in trouble
extremists burst their bubble
they came under fire
for creating offensive satire
terror tried to silence their illustrative fun
but the pen was mightier than the gun

the liberty terrorists attempted to sever
in reality drew everyone together
millions poured on to the streets
showing solidarity by stamping their feet

the people stood firm in their stance
to uphold the values of france
liberté, égalité, fraternité is what they say
and so charlie hebdo will again be printed today

Biscuit: Aero Biscuits
Taste test: 9.5 out of 10 (but are they really biscuits?)
Cost: £1.69 from Tesco in New Milton


Thursday, 8 January 2015

NO New Year's Resolutions




O dear it's New Year
we'll all be another year older
now is the time to be bolder
forget resolutions
we are who we are
stick to your usual plan
and you'll go far

Resolutions pile on the pressure
expectations are set too high
realistic goals are better to try
forget resolutions
we are who we are
embrace yourself
to guarantee inner health

Resist the temptation to crash diet
relax if you want to find lasting peace
and just loosen your belt to find release
forget resolutions
we are who we are
set your sights on Spring
let nature make your heart sing

Biscuit: Dad's Goodie Rings
Taste test: 9.8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Canada




Tuesday, 9 December 2014

The Misteak - A Found Poem


We munched on dark chocolate digestives today, which obviously put us in a dark frame of mind. Perfect for our first stab at a found poem. Found poems take existing texts and refashion, reorder and refresh them into poetry. We were inspired by the writing of journalists Rebecca Armstrong http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/in-sickness-and-in-health-i-hope-that-one-day-hell-want-his-moose-head-again-9882195.html and Samuel Muston http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/features/love-to-eat-steak-heres-how-to-get-the-grill-of-your-dreams-9874005.html. Read their articles and then our poem (best enjoyed if read in a 1920's NY gangster voice).

If it's sticky or has any smell
have nothing to do with it.
It causes more confusion
than trigonometry.
Both were a bit off target.
I knew the meat at room temperature.
But what of the cooking?
We were in danger of running out of oxygen.
You should sell that stuff on eBay.
One day he'll want his head again.

Biscuit: McVitie's Dark Chocolate Digestives
Taste test: 10 out of 10 (quite simply the best)
Cost: Worth every penny from Tesco in Brockenhurst


Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Mer-wry Christmas Shopping Advice




Black Friday, Green Sunday, Cyber Monday.
If you're looking for a deal you'll be happy,
but you'd better watch out it might get scrappy!

Think before getting too materialistic.
In the panic and rush to find a bargain,
people have forgotten "Goodwill to all men".

If you don't want to feed the consumer machine.
Shop local, shop crafty, shop artisan, shop wise,
and don't believe the conglomerate lies.

Open your eyes to the harsh reality of Christmas.
When some have to choose to heat or to eat
whilst others spend the day alone on the street.

Just as the Angel Gabriel said
"Fear not, if all else fails,
you can always pop to the January sales."

Biscuit: Ryvita Original with Philadelphia Cream Cheese ('Wry' advice - geddit?)
Taste: 8 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Friday, 28 November 2014

An Observation on Dogs





Dogs are loyal
Sheep dogs, shooting dogs, guide dogs, rescue dogs
Prince had only 3 legs,
he was friendly and colourful and kept falling over,
Dark and mysterious was treacle.

Dogs are fun loving animas,
they do smell bad though,
they have the stinkiest farts known to man.

Honey the German Shepherd was lovely,
but scared of Mandy's husband,
Colin and Polly were hilarious and fluffy,
Merlin the Jack Russell spent hours,
amusing himself by chasing his tail,
Molly was sent to the kennels because
she would eat everyones' shoes.

Dogs listen without comment and love without condition,
They are so energetic, full of love and affection.

Biscuit: Cadbury Mini Animals
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.59 from Waitrose in Lymington