Tuesday, 18 April 2017

The Nuclear Option




These Chinese biscuits are green and nuclear
They are a fitting snack
When the future is so unclear

USA and North Korea stop playing on our atomic fear
it feels like the end of the world is drawing near

The two leaders, Trump and Kim Jong Un
need to compromise and get on
to find a peaceful solution

North Korean activist Park Yeong-Mi
is speaking up bravely for the world to see
she's urging China to put on pressure and authority
and to stop turning back scared refugees

Please act now before it ends in catastrophe
and we see the outbreak of World War III

Biscuit: Jasmine and Oolong Tea Cookies
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: Gift from China

Friday, 7 April 2017

Newly Minted




The new pound coin produced by the Royal Mint
Has a bronze metallic hologram-style glint
And will stop the forgers making us skint.
Roast lamb with rosemary and mint
Will make our eyes sparkle and glint
Unless we’re short of cash and skint


Most of us have a favourite mint.
Katie likes a polo from her pocket stuck with lint.
Shan loves choc chip ices with a hint
Of green, hot and cool peppermint.
Jen’s favourite is not even a mint but Swiss Lindt.
Perhaps she’s offering an Easter hint.


Katie has a new hat, green as mint,
Shaped like a brain, with a bluish tint,
Bought in Ikea to make us squint.
Jamie has new glasses, their condition mint,
Anti-glare, with a photo-reactive tint,
So in sunlight he need not squint.


Paul likes Matchmakers and almost any other mint.
You can stick them to your fingers and make them sprint
But because they melt they’re no use as a splint.
All of us will relish a cool glacier mint
After a long day and an Olympic sprint.
‘At night’, Paul tells us, ‘I wear a splint.’


Dave arriving late, cholesterol high, should take the doctor’s hint,
study hard the medicinal small print
and drink his tea in litres laced with mint.
Mint Chocolate Rounds from Lidl
With silver in the middle,
Like the new one pound,
But round.

Biscuit: Mint Chocolate Rounds,
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: From Lidl in Totton - cheap!

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Branching Out







The New Forest was made in honour
As a hunting ground for William the Conqueror
To shoot deer amongst the trees
Of which there are so many varieties.


Our Bill was a Gallic or garlic bloke
And built his invasion ships from mighty oak.
He gave the English army such a bash,
With an arrow in the eye for Harold made of ash.


At the Balmer Lawn they say ‘Owzat’
As they play cricket with a willow bat.
When the Forest weather is fine
You can stroll through avenues of pine.


And in springtime you can see
Pale pink blossom on the cherry tree.
In summer heat you can rest in shade
Of a rare elm or dark beech glade.


Autumn brings the crab apple glut,
Hazels and the fire-roasted chestnut.
It sows the spinning seeds of sycamore
And lets loose the woodsman with his chainsaw.


When there’s frost on the ground the foresters produce
Abundant quantities of Norway spruce.
Christmas is the proverbial season to be jolly
So try your pudding with a sprig of holly.


Among the names we have neglected to use
Are the redwood, cypress, fir and Serbian spruce,
The larch and alder, birch and elder and other species
Because it’s so hard to 'cedar wood for the trees'.


We wanted to include this olive biscuit
But decided not to risk it.
It is made with onion and cheese,
Which coincidentally rhymes with ‘trees’.

Biscuit: Grissini Cipolle or Italian Bread Sticks,
gathered from Italian Bread Trees.
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from the Bread Tree

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Chuck Berry RIP



The world of rock 'n roll is mourning
the loss of one of it's founding fathers
Chuck Berry has left all a grieving
90 years old but still achieving

His songs inspired teenagers to rebel
fans were told they would go to hell
he hopped and bopped across the stage
Before ACDC were all the rage

Johnny Be Good, My Ding A Ling, No particular place to go
Chuck strived to create a new sound
he added vibe and passion to the Blues
impressed the crowds with his outlandish moves

He counted Greats Jerry Lee Lewis, Ben E King,
and Buddy Holly as mates
we wish we could go back to his future
In the 50's he went far
doing his duckwalk with his guitar

Biscuit: Arden's Nutty Nibbles
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: £1.79 from Waitrose in Lymington


Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Why? For National Ask a Question Day.





Why is the world a sphere?
Why does the moon draw the tide?
Why are the planets here?
Would you like a rocket ride?

Why are you asking me?
Why isn’t it lunch time?
What can a mole see?
Why should a poem rhyme?

Why isn’t the weather always fine?
Did you bathe in the sea yesterday?
Is there a being that’s divine?
Can you come out to play?

Why is X a chromosome?
Why do biscuits give us indigestion?
Why are we obsessed with a phone?
As Shakespeare wrote, that is the question.

Biscuit: Amaretti
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Fiona

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Chop Chop Chop





Chop, Chop, Chop
It's Budget Day tomorrow
Which services will end in sorrow?
How many of Hammond's promises
will be hollow?
Is it fair that social care
and education
will feel no elation
about the financial situation?
Dissipation of funding
to the NHS
will leave patients in distress
Diverting budget from Academies
to Grammars
will crush our schools like blows
from hammers
The Government needs to prioritise
open its eyes and stop the cuts
that we all despise.

Biscuit: Oreo Thins
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Thursday, 2 March 2017

The warmth of Spain





The warmth of Spain
is baked into this biscuit,
it's crisp and snappy
with a cinnamon hit,
we'll polish
the plate off bit by bit.
After our siesta,
we'll have a wild fiesta,
watch bulls in Pamplona,
and Gaudi in Barcelona,
find a senorita
and make her dance with Peter,
we'll attempt the Flamenco
before saying Hasta Luego!

Biscuit: Galletas a la Canela (Cinnamon Biscuits)
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Almunecar in Spain