Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Teen Eskimo

It's snow joke being a teen eskimo
hungry polar bears snack on you
it's too cold to play Pokemon Go
so you razz around on a rusty skidoo

Whale blubber is fishy and fatty
you smooch with your schnozz
and your sealskin suit's not natty
just sayin' - soz

Winter daylight lasts only a minute
you hang in your igloo with huskies and narwhals
'cos you're an Inuit innit
face it, it ain't lots of LOLS

Biscuit: Eskimo
Taste test: 8.7 out of 10
Cost: 84p from Morrison's in New Milton

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Calculation Frustration

The name of these biscuits
is Orange Choco Leibniz.

This German mathematician
is the man that we need
to solve our economic position
with a theory that just might succeed.

He used minus and the plus
to create his calculus.

Now we need his formula for success
and his talent for addition
to get us out of this mess
and save us from division.

If we could put aside our differential
we just might realise our potential.

Biscuit: Orange Choco Leibniz
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: 74p (special offer) from Waitrose in Lymington

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Everything and the Kitchen Sink

Is this the first ever
poem to celebrate the kitchen sink?
(Don't worry, it will be over
in a blink.)

If you're posh it's ceramic,
if not, it's stainless steel,
you'd struggle without it
when there are potatoes to peel.

Women used to be chained to them,
now they're the domain of men,
armed with aprons and Marigolds,
a huge performance unfolds!

Perfect for bathing the baby,
the bunny or the dog maybe,
Ideal to wash your pants
or if it's big the elephant's.

If it gets blocked you need to plunge,
to clear away the greasy gunge.
use it to stack the odd dirty dish,
but never as a home for a lonely fish.

It comes in very handy,
for an emergency wee,
don't forget to pull the curtains,
or the neighbours will see!

Biscuit: All butter kitchen sink dunkers
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £3 from M&S in Lymington