Tuesday, 18 December 2018

It's all about circles

One footed turtles
always swim in circles,
if you like going round and round
you'll feel sublime
on the Circle line,
in the EU starry circle
you're sure to find Angela Merkel,
if you want to raise objects vertical
contact the Magic Circle,
when in a knitting circle group
careful you don't drop a loop,
everyone's a member of the circle of life
we all have our share of happiness and strife,
were crop circles caused by UFOs
or was it farmers with planks and hoes?
we're a friendship circle within a poetry group
eating biscuits, sharing rhymes and feeling cock-a-hoop!

Biscuits: Family Circle
Tasting Notes: Familiar. Thank you Cami for bringing them in.
Score:  7 out of 10

Tuesday, 11 December 2018


Everywhere you look there's a Christmas Market.
If you go in a car there's no where to park it,
travel on foot and 'Alles ist gut',
Drink mulled cider to make you wilder,
and feast on bratwurst until you burst.
The Germans prefer Gluhwein to Mulled wine,
and Stollen to Christmas cake,
mix it altogether and you're sure to get bellyache.
If you can't get to Germany then pop to Aldi and Lidl,
or somewhere in the middle,
wear a Christmas jumper and Lederhosen,
and hang out 'til closing!

Biscuits: Butter Speculatius
Tasting Notes: They transport you to a German Christmas Market!
Score:  7 out of 10

Tuesday, 4 December 2018

Terence Aloysious John Rattigan Brown

Terry is a carpenter, restaurateur and ceiling suspender, 
But most of all a jester and word bender, 
For 17 years he’s attended Headway, 
Entertaining us with a new joke every day (well almost), 
An active poet, wordsmith and artist, 
At our Biscuit Poetry sessions he will be sorely missed, 
He’s off to pastures new, 
To meet new friends in his room with a view, 
He might escape to the pub he must confess, 
Yet he doesn’t drink any more or to be fair any less, 
Goodbye Terry from the bottom of our hearts, 
It won’t be the same when we’re apart, 
Thanks for all the laughs! 

Biscuits: Tesco Lebkuchen
Tasting Notes: German and Christmassy

Score:  7 out of 10

Tuesday, 27 November 2018

Streets where we live

In life there's many streets
often with potholes to massage your feet!
Jo lived on Windy Willow Way
in the good ole USA,
Martyn resided in a homely abode
downtown on Malmesbury road,
Terry spent years in Spain
and also on Ash Hill lane,
Olly's Mehetaled Road traffic did lack
because it was a cul-de-sac,
Brian's been in Woodlands for half a century
and it's kept it's rural landscape and identity,
Paul's been a lifetime in a close called Laburnum
and he comes to Headway without a frown,
at present Mandy dwells in Thurmond Crescent
which keeps her mood effervescent,
Ormsby Drive is where Jegan resides
round the road is where he used to ride,
In Westfield Road Karl spent his youth
the neighbours were friendly - not aloof,
Our favourite place not to be forgotten
is right here in Commercial Road - Totton!

Biscuits: Hovis digestive biscuits
Tasting Notes: Taste like 'travelling the road to home'
Score:  8 out of 10

Tuesday, 13 November 2018


Many a child's imagination was sparked by Marvel comics
Alter egos Spider-man, Iron Man and the Hulk
Reeked revenge on criminal minds like the Green Goblin
Victorious every time, they left the bad guys to sulk
Evil was overcome, their superhuman feats were mind boggling
Locking baddies behind bars away from society
Leading the way with moral authority
Overcoming maligned and mutated villains who were hated
Unfortunately the marvellous Marvel creator has gone
Stan Lee will always be a superhero, his legacy will never go - who knows he may well play a final cameo....

Biscuits: Cosy wafers from Vietnam
Tasting Notes: MARVELLOUS!!
Score:  5 out of 10

Tuesday, 6 November 2018

What Makes Us Nutty

Banana skins under our feet
Too much traffic on the street
Doggy do on our shoe
makes us swear 'til our faces are blue

Illegal parking in disabled bays
Roadworks sending us different ways
Advert breaks on the box
The washing machine eating our socks

People spitting on the floor
Christmas shopping in the store
Using phones at the dinner table
making others feel unstable

Throwing litter on the grass
Bullies - someone kick their ass!
A Mum being specific about her baby's age
A few random things that make us rage!

Biscuits: Nutty Bites
Tasting Notes: Like bird seed
Score:  5 out of 10

Tuesday, 30 October 2018

Hammond's Sweetners

Budget, fudge it,
The Chancellor of the Exchequer
thinks he can make things better,
by offering sweetners
to us poor austere creatures.
More money for every school,
who is he trying to fool?
Extra cash for Universal Credit
could push the economy further into debit.
It's Hammond's goal
to fill the country's pot holes,
but it is affordable
and fiscally feasible?
Hammond is a financial Ali Bongo
using sleight of hand to spin
and strengthen our Brexit position.

Biscuits: Jammie Dodgers
Tasting Notes: Sooooo sweet
Score:  6 out of 10

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

Write me a rainbow

Biscuits: Pretzel M&M's - from the USA, thank you Nikki
Tasting Notes: Rainbows
Score:  7 out of 10

Tuesday, 9 October 2018

Planetary Insanity

We are the needy greedy
instant gratification generation
without much thought or contemplation
about the impact of our civilisation
on nature's beautiful creation

Our white goods have built in obsolescence
further evidence of our foolhardy decadence
fast fashion is destroying our eco-system
teens wear outfits once and then dismiss them

The invention of PVC was deemed fantastic
100 years later we are rueing the day
we're surrounded by a surplus of plastic
suffocated by mastic
that will take thousands of years to decay

Since the start of the industrial revolution
mankind took a wrong turn in our evolution
before we make all our species extinct
let's come together for a global rethink

Biscuits: Kallo Apple and Cinnamon corn and rice cakes
Tasting Notes: Plastic!
Score:  2 out of 10

Thursday, 4 October 2018

Ode to Fred

A poem for National Poetry Day 2018
Ode to Fred

Our friend Fred fell from his fifty foot yacht, 
Could he swim? 
Not a lot. 
He was met with a wet wall of silence, 
Onlookers gasped, the atmosphere intense. 

His body failed to reappear, 
Poor Fred had imbibed too much beer. 
His hangover will last for eternity 
Wife, Carol, wailed ‘he could have switched to tea!’ 

Last week we buried Fred, 
We had to ‘cos he was dead, 
Atoms to atoms, 
Dust to dust, 
Fred’s now returned to the earth’s crust. 

To all good people who sail in ships, 
It pays you to switch to PG Tips!

Tuesday, 25 September 2018

Love it or Hate it

Some foodstuffs make our stomachs turn,
the mere thought of them causes concern,
simply their taste, texture or smell,
can result in us feeling quite unwell.

The bitter taste of celery,
 cause some to pull a face,
whilst others love the crispy crunch,
and the need to chew at pace,

The wobble of blancmange bright pink
can cheer or induce the spirits to sink,
whilst liver and bacon on your plate,
can make you smile or seal your fate!

Yet the real 'love it, hate it' food,
that divides the nation's mood,
is the yeasty spread Marmite,
Who's right?
There's only one way to find out - FIGHT!

Biscuits: Marmite Breakfast Biscuits
Tasting Notes: You either love them or hate them!
Score:  10 out of 10 or 1 out of 10.

Tuesday, 18 September 2018

Farewell Katie

Katie Clements has gone
to do a Masters Degree,
we hope she's be really happy
in Bristol City.

We'll miss her carrot onsie
amazing hats and arty ways,
forgetting her phone, scratching the Nissan
and brightening up our days.

No longer will we watch her
spilling food down her front,
or correcting a certain someone
for being rather blunt.

With her awkward left handed knitting
and crossword decrypting,
we'll miss her greatly
Good luck Katie!

Biscuits: Viennese sandwich fingers
Tasting Notes: Sweet and crunchy!
Score:  8 out of 10

Tuesday, 11 September 2018


The usual please
Mine's a pint
Down the hatch
Bottom's up
Terms we use
when we like to sup

Be it at the Royal Oak
The Red Lion
Turfcutter's Arms
or the Woodman
all forest pubs
we like to drink in

A ploughman's lunch
an early brunch
a packet of peanuts
or pork scratchings
full of crunch
pub favourites
we like to munch

Rustic charm
a game of darts
old fusty books
oak beams
pickled eggs in a jar on the bar
log fires and skittle alleys
cattle grids and no kids
the perfect pub......

Biscuits: Extremely chocolatey dark chocolate ginger biscuits
Tasting Notes: chocolatey!
Score:  8.5 out of 10

Tuesday, 4 September 2018


Tangawizi the Tom cat
is missing again
his name is Swahili for ginger
the colour of his fur
purr purr

Perhaps he was feline lonely
and set off to Kenya
where it feels more homely
purr purr

Maybe he slunk through
pussport control at Heathrow T4
and me a fellow ginge, Ed Sheeran
who shook him by the paw
purr purr

Prince Harry, Damian Lewis & Geri Halliwell
could be his cabin crew on Ginger 'Air
serving Ginger Beer and Ginger Nuts
to all those with reddish hair
purr purr

We really hope Tangawizi
will fly back home soon
his ginger 'air miles quota will be through the roof
ready for his next holiday to sunny Magaluf
purr purr

Biscuits: Borders Dark Chocolate Gingers
Tasting Notes: Dark and Delicious
Score:  8 out of 10

Tuesday, 7 August 2018

Think Pink

We're feeling good,
We're in the pink,
Pink champagne we like to drink.
Pink Floyd's our favourite band,
but Mr Blobby we can't stand.
Parker should drive a pink cadillac,
with Lady P sat in the back,
eating pink blancmange with spoons,
whilst watching 1970's Pink Panther cartoons.
Pinky and Perky have high pitched squeals,
pink flamingos scoff krill with their beaks.
Don't you find pink candyfloss gets in your hair,
blending in nicely with the pink rinse there?
Whilst pink Hubba Bubba blows a perfect bubble,
but if it pops on your nose you're in trouble.
Run Race4Life and you'll get a pink face,
raise funds for charity and pick up the pace.
At 3 o'clock everything stops for tea,
with a china cup and a raised pinky,
Pink sunset is a shepherd's delight,
it's time for bed - nighty night.

Biscuits: Pink Panther Wafers
Tasting Notes: All colour, no substance
Score:  6 out of 10

Tuesday, 31 July 2018

Champion Biker Clad in Lycra

As a boy Geraint Thomas
showed cycling promise,
on Sunday he crossed the line
winning the Tour for the very first time.

Wife Sara
his family flag bearer,
was at the end of the race
waiting to greet him in a tearful embrace.

Gareth Bale and Sam Warburton were his class mates
all three of them now sporting greats,
PE teacher Steve Williams
Got them on target to earn their millions

The Welsh Celtic Nation
is in a state of elation,
Proud of their champion biker
clad forever in  yellow lycra!

Biscuits: Smiley Cookies
Tasting Notes: Crisp and chocolatey - just what you need after a long cycle ride Geraint!
Score:  8 out of 10

Tuesday, 24 July 2018

Goodbye Alex

Our art therapist is moving on to new pastures
She's going to London to take on a Master's.
She'll leave behind a large blank space,
sadly we know she'll be hard to replace.
Goldsmiths Uni is receiving more gold,
her future before her will quickly unfold.
She's a very bright spark, with
a penchant for art,
She's vibrant, dynamic,
with a very big heart.
She introduced us to Van Gogh's Sunflowers,
Abstract Picasso, Dali's melting hours,
it's never too late for freezing fabrics,
and saving the world by knitting plastics.
She painted our fuel flap with tuk-tuk design,
The work she's done for us is truly sublime.
So thank you to Alex for imparting her knowledge
And we wish her success in her years at art college!

Biscuits: M&S Millionaire's Mini Bites and Rich Butter Flapjacks
Tasting Notes: A parting gift from Alex - delish!
Score:  9.5 out of 10

Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Talkin' Proper

Speak proper
Like what we do

Purse your lips
Like they're stuck with glue

Pop a plum in  your mouth
To speak like the Queen

But don't spit it out
Because that's obscene

You can speak as a toff
Like Jacob Rees Mogg

Or speak like Paul Gibbons
A blatant Hampshire Hog

Hooray Henrys say 'OK Yah'
Whilst Wurzels from Somerset go OOOOOO-ARRRRRRR

So whether you're a Lord Snooty or a local yokel
Shout loud, stay proud and be vocal.

Biscuits: Marbu Dorado
Tasting Notes: Remind us of Mallorca (The water in Mallorca don't taste like what it oughta)
Score:  9 out of 10

Tuesday, 10 July 2018

Caved In

A dozen boys and their football coach,
a mystical labyrinth they encroached,
the waters rose at an incredible rate,
trapping them in a terrible fate,
local legend has it that the cavernous hollow,
steals intruders to drown and swallow,
the group retreated into caves five miles deep,
their anxious families could do nothing but weep,
a plea for expertise went across the world,
causing an international rescue to unfurl,
the cynics said there would be no survivors,
but they didn't account for the brave British divers,
water and oxygen were pumped steadily in,
as the boys were trained for their perilous swim,
the subterranean gods claimed one courageous victim,
a Thai navy seal - the whole world mourns him,
eight brave boys are now safe on the surface,
whisked to hospital avoiding the media circus,
we hope and pray the final five,
will too reach the surface and survive.

Biscuits: Jacobs Cornish Wafers
Tasting Notes: Delicious with butter and Wensleydale cheese
Score:  9.5 out of 10

Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Heat wave

Mercury rising
Tarmac melting
Beachgoers sweltering
Paul's dog panting
Festival folk camping
Wild fires burning
Sausages need turning
Reservoirs emptying
Rail tracks buckling
Ice creams dripping
Swimmers dipping
Cool drinks chilling
Paddling pools filling
Tempers fraying
Hosepipes spraying
Headway sailing
Caravans trailing
Will it continue morn after morn?
Or end in a gigantic electrical storm!?

Biscuits: Petits Fours a l'Orange
Tasting Notes: Ooo la la
Score:  7 out of 10

Tuesday, 26 June 2018

World Cup: Who's holding the lead?

All chihuahuas are supporting Mexico
they sit on the sidelines yapping "Go go go!",
German schnauzers have had a bit of a fright
but Gott Sei Dank they were alright on the night,
The Iranian Salukis are crying into their Chum
The VAR gave them a pen but they still came undone,
The Argentine skills are a bone of contention
It's a Messi situation that we just had to mention,
We're really hoping Brazil don't Winalot
to book themselves a Final slot
Those Ruski huskies are wagging their tails
they're men of iron - hard as nails
Our English bulldogs showed their pedigree to the fans
let's just hope it's not a flash in the pan!

Biscuits: Walkers Shortbread Scottie Dogs
Tasting Notes: Woof Woof!
Score:  K9 out of 10

Tuesday, 19 June 2018

There once was a.......

There once was a young cat called Ginger,
who fancied himself as a Ninja,
he terrorised the mice,
who made him pay the price,
so he turned into a bit of a whinger.

Biscuits: Sticky Ginger and Lemon Drizzle Cookies
Tasting Notes: Interesting combination of flavours
Score: 8 out of 10

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Trump Card?

Whilst we were sleeping
two leaders were meeting,
they'd never met before
yet they both rocked up to Singapore,
in the hope of stopping a nuclear war
the Dottard and the Little Rocketman
spent two hours hatching a cunning plan,
from enemies to besties
in one short move,
let's hope the lives
of ordinary Koreans now improve,
perhaps they're making history
or they could be prolonging the misery,
with bated breath  the world's waiting to see
the contents of their new treaty,
is it heralding the dawn of a peaceful age
or are two psychopaths preparing to rage?

Biscuits: Flipz - dark chocolate covered pretzels
Tasting Notes: Salty and chocolatey - yum
Score: 8.8 out of 10

Tuesday, 29 May 2018

Get Our Drift?

Flotsam and Jetsam
drift in titanic proportions,
toxic plastic
polluting our oceans.

Marine life is
slowly being strangled
by a plastic noose,
earth is drifting towards
an ecological disaster.

Corporations and politician
with empty promises,
like hot air balloons
drifting on thermal currents.

It's up to all of us
to wrestle back control
to steady our course from chaos
to change our disposable culture.

Get Our Drift?!

Biscuits: Drifter
Tasting Notes: Chewy and gooey
Score: 7.5 out of 10

Friday, 18 May 2018

Royal Mint Wedding

It’s less than a week to go,
Before the Windsor wedding show,
Coins will be struck at the Royal Mint
But a gold proof coin would make anyone skint!

Thomas, the bride’s estranged father
Is in a bit of a palava
He’s deciding whether he’s attending
His RSVP is still pending
Maybe he is camera shy
Or just not a family guy
Or rather than be there to give her up
He’s spending the day at the footy World Cup!

Who will lead her down the aisle,
A royal or one of us rank and file?
Who will it be who has the honour
Of escorting the Royal’s first lady of colour?
In the absence of her brother
Maybe it will be her mother,
If she’s really stuck then Prince Charles can,
As long as he’s not a Chelsea or a Man U fan!
Ed Sheeran might play the bridal tune,
Though he looks far too much like the groom!

Our biscuits, like the Royals, have a posh hint
They have a delicate taste of mint,
With a thick chocolate layer, perhaps not so healthy
And only 6 to a packet – you’ll have to be wealthy!

Biscuits: Choco Moments Mint
Tasting Notes: Delicious, but only 6 in a pack - rip off!
Score: 9 out of 10

Monday, 14 May 2018

First Memories

Memories are layered in an order
we can't be sure of.
First memories are wispy like dreams,
fleeting and elusive,
nothing is quite what it seems.

The agony of snow in your wellies
at the age of four,
a hospital visit from a thumb
trapped in a door,
pushed in a pram by an elder sister,
jostling and laughing
whilst playing Twister,
a toy sweet shop full of delight,
performing on the potty
with all your might!

These are our first memories
we revisit time and time again,
frozen in our minds
until the bitter end.

Biscuits: Layered Wafers from Majorca
Tasting Notes: Lots of layers, quite dry
Score: 6/10

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

May We?

Mother may we?
Yes you may
Hip hip hooray
Today is May Day
Pinch Punch first day of the month
A nip and a kick for being so quick
A poke in the eye for being so sly
A slap round the face - you're a disgrace!
The darling buds of May are running late
they better bloomin' hurry or they'll miss their due date
Yet Youngsters are still prancing around the Maypole
Their joy and colour lifts the soul,
Soon Theresa May's Tories will face their own poll
Will they or won't they find themselves on the dole?!

Biscuits: Mcvities Dark Chocolate Digestives
Tasting Notes: Delish with a capital D
Score: 9/10

Tuesday, 24 April 2018

Flat as a Cracker

We feel flat,
flat as a Jacob's cracker
flat, dry and uninspired.

Why couldn't we have a choccie biscuit?
Terry enquired.

A covering of cheddar
would definitely make it better.

A juicy grape
would prevent us from going ape.

Creamy butter
would send our hearts a flutter.

Liver pate
would stop us from throwing them away.

With the addition of pickle
We'd cease being fickle.

It seems Jacob's need something on top
without they're a cracker flop!

Biscuits: Jacob's Crackers
Tasting Notes: Very dry, improved with a topping!
Score: 7/10

Monday, 16 April 2018


If you're a fan of Cream or The Jam,
Or if you like cheesier music like Wham!,
We're having a Headway jam-in session
A sort-of musical delicatessen

If you feel like you need your five a day,
Bananarama you could play.
Squeeze some Orange Juice, save the Pulp,
Or of Buck's Fizz you could have a gulp!

If Spice Girls aren't your cup of tea,
You might prefer Hot Chocolate musically.
If it's not Sweet enough, add some Sugababes,
And toast some Bread with some Marmalade.

If you need your vitamin Bs and Cs,
Mix some Red Hot Chili Peppers with some Black Eyed Peas,
But if you find it too hot and there's too much spice,
Cool yourself down with Vanilla Ice.

Whatever is your music taste,
Pop music, Bubblegum, or Drum 'n' Baste,
There's always something that you could savour,
Relax and enjoy the rhythmic flavour.
(Or a semi-Quaver!)

Biscuits: Tower Gate Jam and Cream Biscuits
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: 45p from Lidl

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

What came first the biscuit or the poem?

Four minutes for soft
ten minutes for hard
surrounded by soldiers
to dip and to guard

Boiled, scrambled,
poached with Hollandaise
fried with ham
there are so many ways

They're perfect for painting
some grandmothers suck them
tread carefully on their shells
eating chocolate ones at Easter - no problem

They are buried by turtles in the sand
hens lay them out the back 'a their cloaca
Emperor penguins balance them on their feet
this eggscellent poem is a real cracker!

Biscuits: Amandel Speculaas
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Holland - thanks Ruud