Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Toffy Pop:Trick or Treat?

On the eve of All Saints
the youth get busy with face paints,
ghosts, ghouls, goblins, warlocks,
witches and wizards run amok.
Casting spells wherever they roam,
hammering on doors to see if we're home.
Carving pumpkins, scary faced,
masked children giving chase.
Bobbing for apples, fork-in-mouth secure,
crafty and cunning the fruit to procure.
Halloween dark and sweet,
with Toffy Pops we looked for a treat.
Fake choc, cardboard base, they made us sick,
less of a treat, more of a trick!

Biscuit: Lyons Toffy Pops
Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: 99p from 99p Store in Lymington

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

We'd love to miss Hit biscuits

Hit biscuits hail from the Fatherland
they taste insipid and rather bland
Deutschland Deutschland uber alles
Despite their Geschmack we bear you no malice.

Angela Merkel we'll make a confession
these biscuits of yours won't solve your recession;
why not choose exports that promote your country?
like Bratwurst, Stollen, Mercedes and Audi.

No, not a hit, rather a definite miss,
we'd go so far as to boo and hiss
please stick to your Riesling, Blue Nun and beer
We don't want any of your kraut biscuits here :)

[PS No offence is meant, if taken then we repent!]

Biscuit: Bahlsen Hit
Taste test: 2 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Waitrose in Lymington

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Viscount, Baronets and Miscounts

Most Viscounts are minted
with assets and land,
sat in their wallpapered mansions
with posh biscuits in hand.

Poor old George Osbourne he's only a baronet
as hereditary titles go he hasn't made it quite yet.
People are mourning, the nation is skint
take solace in these Viscounts with a sharp hint of mint.

Biscuit: Lyons Viscount Biscuits
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: £1.00 from Poundland in Shirley

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

What is a puff?

a gentle wind on Blashford Lake
dragging on a cigarette for a break

a magic dragon from Honah Lee
a whispy cloud that you can barely see

a sound that's so evocative
of an old steam locomotive

a saucy siren who won't go on show
without her trusty powder puff glow

because the little pig's house was of sterner stuff
the big, bad wolf needed more than a huff

layers of pastry lightened with air
thank goodness these biscuits are oblong, not square

Biscuit: Blueberry Puff
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.49 from M&S in Lymington