Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Gran Canaria's Guanchitos

To Vicky we say "gracias!"
for bringing us biscuits from Las Palmas
bought on the island of Gran Canaria
a sun drenched, beach blessed volcanic area.

Nestling off the Western Saharan Coast
it was Columbus who loved it the most
in fourteen hundred and ninety two
he anchored there with his steadfast crew

Enroute to discover the United States
Chris disembarked for R&R with ship mates.
No doubt he tasted the local galleta
the Guanchito - once bitten you'll never forget her!

Biscuit: Tirma's Guanchitos
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Vicky :)

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

English on St George's Day

It's morning on St George's Day
Some Raspberry Swirls have come our way
Like George's dragon, the biscuits we'll slay
as merry tunes on our lutes we play

A day to be English, what does that mean?
Rainy summer days and fields of green?
Inventors of team games that we never seem to win
so we drown our collective sorrows down ye old county inn?

Many very different people are trying to fit in
our new and multi-cultural, modern Britain
Are we English, are we British, do we come from the UK?
No matter, we all hail from Blighty on this bright St George's Day!

Biscuit: The Shires Bakery Raspberry Swirls
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Anita :)

[And here's another take on St George's day from our very own Poet Peter]

The Martyrdom of St George

By the waters of the Thames you sat down and wept
while all around the rich and famous slept.
Yes you, gentle and compassionate George Osbourne,
you and only you came to grieve and mourn
at the coffin of your mentor Mrs Thatcher,
although - you know it's coming- you could never match her
in her certainties and her convictions
though these again are probably just fictions.

You do, poor George, seem isolated and sad,
stuck with a plan that's not just bad,
but really, like you, quite barking mad.
You've locked-in syndrome, trapped in a policy
of more and still more austerity,
that brings us less and less prosperity.

But now the pound has dropped a notch
and lost its treasured triple A-star rating
your kindly colleagues have set about debating,
Soon they'll be queueing to kick you in the crotch.

Friday, 19 April 2013

Vienna Melts

Too late, too late.  I’ve missed out on
a Fox’s Viennese Melt.
I wish I knew in my imagination
how one of these biscuits smelled.

Scent and taste are closely linked, experts say,
but our poetic group lacked inspiration
when they tried out their skills today
as this Austrian treat they munched on.

I try to think now what Vienna means to me,
although I’ve never visited this city.
In stately rooms where Freud diagnosed
the Hapsburg empire died and decomposed.

Cakes and pastries, schnitzel and frilled waltzes,
they help explain this soft target for the Nazis.
Ripe and falling, an imperial promenade,
redeemed by the dream of a Mozart serenade,

Vienna melts, decays in sun and rain,
the neurotic, fading heart of Europe,
queen of the dance that cannot escape stain,
sweetened by the sound of music’s syrup.

So, dear Jo, perhaps you can find
space in your anthology
for one more gloomy rhapsody
that does not take the biscuit but leaves it …far behind. 

Biscuit: Fox's Viennese Melts
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Monday, 15 April 2013


Maryland Gooeys get thumbs up today
From the biscuits poets at Headway
Their chocolate centres are a delight
The perfect taste in every bite

Eclectic things have a connection
With this delicious cookie confection
A bus station in Bow (for those in the know)
An American state where they did create
Great biscuits that truly satiate

There is biscuit beauty in these packs
Unlike Maryland's dire Snapjacks
Although we have April showers today
Soon we’ll be gathering nuts in May

The gooeyness, the chewyness
Lead to euphoric ooooohyness!
Our taste buds have been tantilised
Our senses are in overdrive

Biscuit: Maryland Gooeys
Taste test: 9.5 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Asda in Southampton - thanks Olly

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Shakespeare's Biscuit

This poem was written by Kristina Turner for the poetry battle at our Evening of Biscuit Poetry - we hope you like it as much as we do.

Eyes meet across a crowded room
Two star crossed lovers lock their gaze
She, sweet, delicate, not yet fourteen
Destined young to be his mortal foe
She unknowingly invites him in
Opens her hot, sweet embrace
To his firm, dark substance
He delves into her hot, strong depths
Surrenders willingly to her sweet sorrow
She cannot be
other than a mug of tea
And he, no other than a melting treat.
Oreo, oh Oreo!
Wherefore art thou Oreo!?

Biscuit: Oreo Cookies
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost:  99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst