Tuesday, 24 April 2018

Flat as a Cracker

We feel flat,
flat as a Jacob's cracker
flat, dry and uninspired.

Why couldn't we have a choccie biscuit?
Terry enquired.

A covering of cheddar
would definitely make it better.

A juicy grape
would prevent us from going ape.

Creamy butter
would send our hearts a flutter.

Liver pate
would stop us from throwing them away.

With the addition of pickle
We'd cease being fickle.

It seems Jacob's need something on top
without they're a cracker flop!

Biscuits: Jacob's Crackers
Tasting Notes: Very dry, improved with a topping!
Score: 7/10

Monday, 16 April 2018


If you're a fan of Cream or The Jam,
Or if you like cheesier music like Wham!,
We're having a Headway jam-in session
A sort-of musical delicatessen

If you feel like you need your five a day,
Bananarama you could play.
Squeeze some Orange Juice, save the Pulp,
Or of Buck's Fizz you could have a gulp!

If Spice Girls aren't your cup of tea,
You might prefer Hot Chocolate musically.
If it's not Sweet enough, add some Sugababes,
And toast some Bread with some Marmalade.

If you need your vitamin Bs and Cs,
Mix some Red Hot Chili Peppers with some Black Eyed Peas,
But if you find it too hot and there's too much spice,
Cool yourself down with Vanilla Ice.

Whatever is your music taste,
Pop music, Bubblegum, or Drum 'n' Baste,
There's always something that you could savour,
Relax and enjoy the rhythmic flavour.
(Or a semi-Quaver!)

Biscuits: Tower Gate Jam and Cream Biscuits
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: 45p from Lidl

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

What came first the biscuit or the poem?

Four minutes for soft
ten minutes for hard
surrounded by soldiers
to dip and to guard

Boiled, scrambled,
poached with Hollandaise
fried with ham
there are so many ways

They're perfect for painting
some grandmothers suck them
tread carefully on their shells
eating chocolate ones at Easter - no problem

They are buried by turtles in the sand
hens lay them out the back 'a their cloaca
Emperor penguins balance them on their feet
this eggscellent poem is a real cracker!

Biscuits: Amandel Speculaas
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Holland - thanks Ruud