Thursday, 26 September 2013

Lost (thirty two random words in search of a poem)

Each poet contributed two words in return for a biscuit and then we tried to make some sort of poem from them.  As you will see, it proved tricky.

Lorna was one of our dedicated and much-valued volunteers.

Last week we lost lovely Lorna
Who returned to Devon,
At least for a while,
But left this crunchy taste of heaven.

Last week too Jose Mourinho,
Lost his special wolfish smile
And now looks like an anorexic hippo.

Last week too neither West Ham
Nor our very own Southam-
-pton lost their even match.

Neither Lambert nor Noble
Proved the least bit able
To score a goal from scratch.

We are at a loss how to include
Such words as ignition, prelude
And anti-disestablishmentarianism.
Thank you, Jamie, for such exhibitionism.

Anita too is love-lorn and lost,
With Backstreet Boys star-crossed,
AlthoughTerry doesn’t give a toss.

The Intercity Firm belong among the lost
Now Sam Allardyce is their boss,
And Jon and Olly also are quite cross.

As poets we are altogether at a loss
How to mend and end this verse
So what if we arrange a return

For one muddy hippopotamus,
Brown and ready for the circus,
Or maybe we should just crash and burn.

But now it’s really time to cease
And for this restless poem to rest in peace.
So thank you, Lorna, for choosing to donate
This marvellous, honeycomb chocolate.

Biscuit: Cadbury's Crunchie Biscuit
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost:  Parting gift from Lovely Lorna

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Hello Panda?

It's not black and white
that a panda cub will make
history in Scotland this week,
Tian Tian's hormone levels are at a peak
as are our hopes - we're awaiting a tweet.

The panda-cam shows Yang Guang
pacing like an expectant father
agitated and mad
that he's not yet a proud dad.

Giant Panda's are on the brink
of being extinct
less than 2000 remain in the wild we think.
This explains Edinburgh's obsession
with panda gestation
a mammalian craze
that has swept the scottish nation.

So is she or isn't she?
Brian thinks not
but the rest of us poets
are an optimistic lot
(apart from Olly who thinks it's folly).

We predict a riot
shortly at Edinburgh zoo
a baby panda will be born
time to stock up on bamboo!

Biscuit: Hello Panda
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: 4.60 RM, Kota Kinabalu airport in Borneo.

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Let's Be Syria-ous

President Assad
will be glad
that the UN won't intervene
in Syria's chaotic scene
'cos Vladimir Putin
has been disputin'
and put the boot in

First he wants the weapon inspectors
to detect the
chemical threat
it was decided when Kerry and Putin met

But unlike our biscuit
the Syrian people can't breakaway
many wanted air strikes
to end their plight
so they could put down their arms
and not have to fight

Now they're left
waiting, anticipating
contemplating their fate,
even more drawn into war

Biscuit: Breakaway
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Ode to Tom, Nell, Bill and Jo

Oh sweet, biscuity Jo
we did not know
just what to write,
but then we found
your auburn hair
shining in the summer light,
fresh in the morning air
with the bright dew all around

We can see you in the jungle,
machete in hand,
trekking with Tom,
the Borneo wild man,
Bill and Nell,
part of your band,
with stomach aches
and twining snakes.

Enjoy your vacation
from your vocation
in public relations
and poetic recitations

But since you've been away
our work has gone gingerly astray.
So now it's time to hurry back,
time to get our poems back on track.
We need your warming, spicy glow
To ginger up our words and make them flow.

Biscuit: Waitrose Stem Ginger Biscuits
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: £1.75