The Misteak - A Found Poem

We munched on dark chocolate digestives today, which obviously put us in a dark frame of mind. Perfect for our first stab at a found poem. Found poems take existing texts and refashion, reorder and refresh them into poetry. We were inspired by the writing of journalists Rebecca Armstrong http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/in-sickness-and-in-health-i-hope-that-one-day-hell-want-his-moose-head-again-9882195.html and Samuel Muston http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/features/love-to-eat-steak-heres-how-to-get-the-grill-of-your-dreams-9874005.html. Read their articles and then our poem (best enjoyed if read in a 1920's NY gangster voice).

If it's sticky or has any smell
have nothing to do with it.
It causes more confusion
than trigonometry.
Both were a bit off target.
I knew the meat at room temperature.
But what of the cooking?
We were in danger of running out of oxygen.
You should sell that stuff on eBay.
One day he'll want his head again.

Biscuit: McVitie's Dark Chocolate Digestives

Taste test: 10 out of 10 (quite simply the best)
Cost: Worth every penny from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Mer-wry Christmas Shopping Advice

Black Friday, Green Sunday, Cyber Monday.
If you're looking for a deal you'll be happy,
but you'd better watch out it might get scrappy!

Think before getting too materialistic.
In the panic and rush to find a bargain,
people have forgotten "Goodwill to all men".

If you don't want to feed the consumer machine.
Shop local, shop crafty, shop artisan, shop wise,
and don't believe the conglomerate lies.

Open your eyes to the harsh reality of Christmas.
When some have to choose to heat or to eat
whilst others spend the day alone on the street.

Just as the Angel Gabriel said
"Fear not, if all else fails,
you can always pop to the January sales."

Biscuit: Ryvita Original with Philadelphia Cream Cheese ('Wry' advice - geddit?)
Taste: 8 out of 10

Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst