21 Spoonfuls of Sugar

We're the fattest nation in Europe
and that's a fact,
It isn't surprising, as we're not exercising
so our over consumption is having an impact.
Kids are putting on weight to the max,
now the Treasury have announced a sugar tax.

Brands like Dolmio are being forced to speak,
recommending their sugar loaded products for only once a week.
Yet 21 spoonfuls of sugar in a bottle of coke,
is nothing more than a twisted joke.
Our collective health is in really bad shape,
are we going to fight it or just accept our fate?

The solution is simple,
Stop when you're full,
and eat real food, shun processed, don't risk it,
if you fancy a treat try baking a biscuit
otherwise the effects will be quite cataclysmic.

PS What to you call a fat alien? An extra cholesterol.

Biscuit: Almond Thins
Taste test:  9.7 out of 10
Cost: Waitrose in Lymington, over a £1

Reminisce with Schoko-Spritz

Once we used to eat at the Ritz
But now we lunch on Schoko-Spritz
And not because they’re cheaper,
Rather that the flavour’s so much deeper.
They recall for us the tastes of youth,
Melting and intense on the tooth.


For Terry it’s the chocolate teacake
That makes his hard heart ache.
Simon loved Liquorice Allsorts
And still can’t keep them from his thoughts.
Despite the coffin shape of the box
He liked them more than any chocs.


Crunchy, finger wafers were Lee’s choice,
As for Lady Penelope, a sweet, pink Rolls Royce.
Powdered raspberry milkshake,
Garibaldi biscuits, Cadbury’s Flake,
Huge blocks of sugary honeycomb
Were the delights that Martin brought home.


As for Peter, he would not like to lose
Candy shrimps, broken crisps and fruit salad chews.
For Jamie, it’s sherbet in rice paper furled,
Flying saucers that taste out of this world.
Nonetheless, the shortcakes that we ate today
Do compare with the flavours of yesterday.


So if you want a biscuit that sits
Well on the palate, try these Schoko-Spritz.

Biscuit: SchokopSpritz
Taste test:  9.5 out of 10
Cost: Gift. German made. Bought in Belgium.

A Milk Chocolate Cover-up

In Panama they make nice hats
And also never pay their tax.
In Iceland people are protesting
About their prime minister’s investing.
In China it is wise to keep your mouth shut
Or the party will just lock you up.
In Russia Putin is caught in the middle
With a cellist who’s been on the fiddle.
In Britain we just quietly despair
Because Cameron’s father hid his money there.
If it wasn’t for this fondness for the dodgy deal
We need not say ‘Tata’ to British steel.
So now we know. Launder your money before you die,
Because you can’t evade the tax haven in the sky.

Biscuit: Tower Gate Oaties
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: 49p from Lidl in Totton,