The Surreal Deal

The artist, Salvador Dali
Paints subjects that seem so bizarre.
Swans reflect elephants. A telephone lobster
Stretches our imagination so very far.

His pictures melt our minds
As his art dissolves time and space.
But now this famous surrealist
Is the subject of his own surreal case.

A sixty-one year old fortune teller
Now claims to be his love child
and is after his estate and his fortune.
She has applied for his bones to be filed

And his DNA tested. The opened casket
Revealed only dust, decay and slime.
But, like his clocks, waxed and intact,
His moustache has stood the test of time.


Biscuit: Lidl’s chocolate chip and butter shortbread.
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: Cheap at half the price

Penlee Disaster 1981

One Sunday morning,
in a Cornish church
the vicar stood up and spoke,
"We've given up the search,
I'm sorry there is no hope.

16 brave souls are lost at sea,
8 lifeboat men and 8 ship's company,
from the Union Star carrier,
always remember the 19th of December.

The people of Mousehole will pull together,
supporting each other come what ever,
the heroes gave their lives and tried their best,
now we must sadly allow them to rest".

Biscuit: Cornish Clotted Cream Shortbread with chocolate pieces
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Marlene

Bubble and Squeak

When we lived in caves
the Greeks were having a rave
they created the world's first civilisation
whilst we were still a backwards nation

The Greeks developed hypotheses
with Plato and Archimedes
they debated their philosophies
that have shaped today's societies

Famous for feta cheese
and Nana Mouskouri in the 70's
moussaka, smashing crockery,
Greek tragedies and olive leaves

Home of the Olympiads
and Homer's Odyssey and Iliad,
legends and myths
and Olympic jumpers coming acropolis!

Biscuit: Milk and Honey Greek Biscuits
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Jen

Save the Puffin

Every year
100,000 seabirds drown needlessly
in fishing gear
pity the poor puffin
whose extinction is near

Plastic detritus
is suffocating our puffins
sending them beneath the waves
in ocean ready coffins

What can be done
to avoid the sixth mass extinction
we need to act now
to avoid this horrific prediction

This is our message in a recyclable bottle
the world needs to put
it's foot on the throttle
and speed up global action
to stop shameful seabird destruction.

Biscuit: Mint Puffins
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: From Asda in Totton