A Biscuit Poetry Performance

Come and see us perform this Saturday 14th June upstairs at the Art House in Southampton at the RejectorSlip Poetry Festival.

Terry, Gary, Lee, Olly, Karl, Shan,Vicky and Jo will be taking the stage at 4:30pm for a half an hour slot of magical poems inspired by......you guessed it......biscuits!

We hope to see you there.

Address: The Art House, 178 Above Bar Street, Southampton, SO14 7DW

Polo

This week’s biscuit comes from Jo.

Strangely, it’s called Polo.

Wrapped in green and white and gold,

colours of Ireland, young and old.

By Jacobs of Dublin they’re made

where Molly Malone plied her trade.

As hard as sham rock, dry as bone,

a chip off the old Blarney Stone.

Don’t be confused by the name.

A Polo mint is not the same.

This is not a shirt you can wear

or a frozen, Arctic bear.

It’s not named for a famous Venetian

traveller with his camel train.

Princes don’t play this on horseback

nor is it a small German hatchback.

Sadly, Polo lacks that sweet zest

of Ireland at its green and friendly best.

As one is enough, rather than Polo

perhaps this cookie’s title should be Solo.

Biscuit: Jacob's Solo

Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Ireland - less than a euro.

The Biscuit Poets: This is us

We meet every Tuesday to write our poetry
as creative therapy for our brain injury
biscuits are our topic of choice
each one inspiration for our poetic voice

All our work is lateral thinking
powered by habitual honest tea drinking
we receive biscuits from lands far and wide
- over 100 varieties we've spied and tried

Facebook and Twitter followers are satisfyingly prolific,
like Knackered Mother - to be specific
Our voices have been aired on radio locally
and our poems recited at the Ejector Seat vocally

As you can see we're an eclectic mix
with poetry providing our weekly fix
We're a motley crew of varying ability
always dependent on current mental stability

Verse is the glue that keeps us together
we pen our poems whatever the weather
biscuits are our topic of choice
each one inspiration for our poetic voice

Biscuit: Fox's Ambers

Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: Not sure, they appeared in our cupboard - biscuit fairy?

Under Malted Milk Wood

To begin, at the beginning
is today's poetic starter,
under Malted Milk Wood
Dylan Thomas would
dream of Polly Garter,
under her washing line
suckling her baby at feeding time.

100 years ago Dylan too
was a babe in arms,
throughout his life
he wooed the world
with his poetic charms,
he inspired us to write biscuit poetry
and today we've achieved a creative century.

And we trust
we will still be in your memory,
when we reach our
biscuit bi-centenary,
we will not
go gently into that good night
rather, millenia of biscuits we yearn to bite.

Biscuit: Malted Milk

Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Under £1 from lovely Lidl in Totton

Choco Tommy

Choco Tommy Cooper
wore a fez upon his head,
He bought it in Morocco from a souk
he said.
(Just like that, well almost,
 he had to haggle for it.)

He hitched a camel to Casablanca
to visit Rick's famous bar,
the camel got the hump
and ordered a jar.
(Just like that, well almost,
 he had to haggle for it.)

Sam was at the piano
playing it again,
Marrakesh was calling so Tommy
caught a plane.
(Just like that, well almost,
 he had to haggle for it.)

He tasted tagine in the medina quarter
cous cous he could,
and ordered refreshing rosewater
from Mahmoud.
(just like that, well almost,
he had to haggle for it.)

Mrs Cooper demanded a Moroccan souvenir
Tommy felt homesick & rather remote,
so grabbed a tree climbing goat
and snuck it on the boat
(just like that, well almost,
he had to haggle for it.)


Biscuit: Choco Tom

Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Morocco - thanks Hiren

ANZAC Day

Hip hip hooray
It's Anzac Day
A commemoration and celebration
of the antipodeans who fought
their way from Botany Bay
to Gallipoli on the Black Sea
where over 44,000 allied troops were lost
an appalling atrocity - a tragic human cost

As we devour these biscuits
we honour their bravery
fighting for the lives of you and me
on those bleak barren shores of Gallipoli
It may be a century ago
but we will always show
our appreciation for such selfless dedication

Biscuit: ANZAC biscuits by Unibic

Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Australia - thanks Wendy and Keith

April Fools Day

It's April the first
"You crazy fool"
(catchphrase of Mr T(cake))
universally it's a rule
to play pranks before 12 o'clock
beyond that time you cannot mock

Today capers permeate the papers
whether it be
salt in cups of tea
water buckets balanced on doors
a lamb with six legs
or hens popping out square eggs

As she read her daily rag
this morning the Queen frowned,
upon coins Alex Salmond is stealing her crown
One is not amused
at this news
nor that
Buckingham Palace is going to be fracked!

Lest we forget the
BBC's great Swiss spaghetti hoax
of 1957,
not to be surpassed by
today's Macaroni penguin
laying golden eggs in Devon.

As Big Bad Bard Will said
"A fool thinks himself to be wise,
but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
So let's be fools for half a day -
a common occurrence here at Headway!

Biscuit: Marks & Spencer Teacakes

Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £1.39 from M&S in Lymington