Upside Down

This week we've been cast asunder,
we've gone to the land down under
the home of the aboriginials, kookaburras,
boomerangs, digereedos, spiders,
wallabies and kangaroos.
It's where Jason kissed Kylie
and everybody's smiley,
because the sun always shines
ripening the grapes that hang on the vines,
bronzing the skin of the 
Bondi Life savers
who prevent the sharks
from devouring the bathers.
Dingos, vegemite, Skippy, koalas,
crocs,
if you're a Sheila or a Blue
throw a shrimp on the BBQ,
grab a tinny and head for the Outback
where Andy Murray's moping 
because he crashed out of the 
Australian Open.

Biscuit: Kooka's country cookies
Taste test: 9 out of 10

Cost: A gift from Australia - thanks Vicky

Goodbye to Gluttony

We're plump turkeys
and fattened geese,
over the past greedy weeks
we've overindulged in a festive feast

Can you do up your trouser button?
Have you too been a Christmas glutton?
If the amount you've eaten is quite obscene
then it's time you adopted a diet regime

Did you wake up today with a frown?
Then act now and put those mince pies down
Are you keen to be good?
Then mince past the remains of the Xmas pud

Throw your turkey leftovers in the bin
And get yourself down to your local gym
If you're quick
you'll get 3 month's free membership

Biscuit: Nairn's Super Seeded Organic Oatcakes
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: £1.39 Waitrose in Lymington