Crumbs of Comfort for St Valentine's Day

If it’s passion that you feel,
Don’t try these biscuits for your romantic meal.


If you are swept away with emotion
Don’t choose these to munch on.


If you look for symbols of love
Our biscuits do not fit the category above.


All they do is cause you pain.
Better chocolates, roses and champagne.


If you aim your love to embrace
They won’t cause your heart to race.


Crusty, dusty, old, dry and musty,
Hardly exciting and not at all lusty.


They are not worth much money
So will surely not impress your honey.


Although these biscuits do not inspire delight
We hope you still enjoy a perfect night.

Biscuit: Nature Valley
Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: Giving them away at Lidl!

Nuts for Peanuts

We've all gone nuts for peanuts
we're not talking Charlie Brown,
Snoopy & Woodstock
but rather the legume that
could give you anaphylactic shock.

What's more if Rottweilers are chasing you,
give them peanut butter to chew,
it acts like superglue
and stops vicious dogs from biting you.

George Washington Carver
invented peanut shampoo
whilst before Jimmy Carter was president,
peanuts he grew.

Peanuts are delicious
they're also uber goober* nutritious,
astronauts eat them in space
and a Snickers bar means you'll win a race,
even a Marathon.

* another word for a peanut

Biscuit: Reese's Peanut Butter Rounds
Taste test: 9.9 out of 10
Cost: £1.50 Waitrose in Lymington

Biscuit Rapper

Yo Yo Yo  - what's up biscuit homies?
Opening the wrapper is giving us the moanies
The packaging is a load of old pony
Finding the scissors is making us groany!

They are crumbly, crunchy and crispy too,
they went down well with the biscuit crew,
get down to our kitchen and grab yourself a brew,
and have yourself more biscuits from a packet of two.

So many flavours - it's hard to cope
but the taste of the biscuits is really dope
if we gave them to the Pope, he wouldn't say nope
it sounds like a joke but they filled us with hope.

And that's a wrap!

Biscuit: Irwin Mitchell Solicitors' Meeting Room Biscuits
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Free - thanks Jack