Lost (thirty two random words in search of a poem)

Each poet contributed two words in return for a biscuit and then we tried to make some sort of poem from them.  As you will see, it proved tricky.

Lorna was one of our dedicated and much-valued volunteers.

Last week we lost lovely Lorna

Who returned to Devon,

At least for a while,

But left this crunchy taste of heaven.

Last week too Jose Mourinho,

Lost his special wolfish smile

And now looks like an anorexic hippo.

Last week too neither West Ham

Nor our very own Southam-

-pton lost their even match.

Neither Lambert nor Noble

Proved the least bit able

To score a goal from scratch.

We are at a loss how to include

Such words as ignition, prelude

And anti-disestablishmentarianism.

Thank you, Jamie, for such exhibitionism.

Anita too is love-lorn and lost,

With Backstreet Boys star-crossed,

AlthoughTerry doesn’t give a toss.

The Intercity Firm belong among the lost

Now Sam Allardyce is their boss,

And Jon and Olly also are quite cross.

As poets we are altogether at a loss

How to mend and end this verse

So what if we arrange a return

For one muddy hippopotamus,

Brown and ready for the circus,

Or maybe we should just crash and burn.

But now it’s really time to cease

And for this restless poem to rest in peace.

So thank you, Lorna, for choosing to donate

This marvellous, honeycomb chocolate.

Biscuit: Cadbury's Crunchie Biscuit

Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost:  Parting gift from Lovely Lorna

Hello Panda?

It's not black and white
that a panda cub will make
history in Scotland this week,
Tian Tian's hormone levels are at a peak
as are our hopes - we're awaiting a tweet.

The panda-cam shows Yang Guang
pacing like an expectant father
agitated and mad
that he's not yet a proud dad.

Giant Panda's are on the brink
of being extinct
less than 2000 remain in the wild we think.
This explains Edinburgh's obsession
with panda gestation
a mammalian craze
that has swept the scottish nation.

So is she or isn't she?
Brian thinks not
but the rest of us poets
are an optimistic lot
(apart from Olly who thinks it's folly).

We predict a riot
shortly at Edinburgh zoo
a baby panda will be born
time to stock up on bamboo!

Biscuit: Hello Panda

Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: 4.60 RM, Kota Kinabalu airport in Borneo.

Let's Be Syria-ous

President Assad

will be glad

that the UN won't intervene

in Syria's chaotic scene

'cos Vladimir Putin

has been disputin'

and put the boot in

First he wants the weapon inspectors

to detect the

chemical threat

it was decided when Kerry and Putin met

But unlike our biscuit

the Syrian people can't breakaway

many wanted air strikes

to end their plight

so they could put down their arms

and not have to fight

Now they're left

waiting, anticipating

contemplating their fate,

even more drawn into war

and WHAT FOR?

Biscuit: Breakaway

Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Ode to Tom, Nell, Bill and Jo

Oh sweet, biscuity Jo
we did not know
just what to write,
but then we found
your auburn hair
shining in the summer light,
fresh in the morning air
with the bright dew all around

We can see you in the jungle,
machete in hand,
trekking with Tom,
the Borneo wild man,
Bill and Nell,
part of your band,
with stomach aches
and twining snakes.

Enjoy your vacation
from your vocation
in public relations
and poetic recitations

But since you've been away
our work has gone gingerly astray.
So now it's time to hurry back,
time to get our poems back on track.
We need your warming, spicy glow
To ginger up our words and make them flow.

Biscuit: Waitrose Stem Ginger Biscuits

Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: £1.75

Jo's on a break... so we're having cake!

Jo is off on her summer break,
We are sick of biscuits, so let's have some cake.
A banana cake that tasted great,
It should be an award-winning bake.

A tasty treat that we love to scoff,
its far better than watching the British Bake-Off.
John should receive the Turner Prize
as the cake disappeared before our very eyes.

While the baking craze sweeps the nation,
We're salivating over John's creation.
Packed with squidgy banana and juicy sultana,
this could take us to taste bud nirvana.

With thanks to John T for our tasty surprise,
Cake is a great treat but we can't tell lies,
Our rebellion is only for a week, we cannot disguise,
We love biscuits, they are our pride.

Biscuit: Banana Cake

Taste test: 9.5 out of 10
Cost: Free, made by John Turner

HuRraH it's a boy!

Hear ye all subjects of the realm,
This prince one day will take the helm.
Born yesterday at half past four,
A healthy 8lbs 6, who could ask for more?

Although a week late, it was worth the wait
for all the public at the palace gate.
The Duchess of Cambridge was delivered of a son
Today he's front page of "The Son" - what fun!

The princeling was born fit and healthy,
A golden boy, powerful and wealthy.
What name will be bestowed on him,
Shall it be "All hail King Tim"?

Or Arthur, Andrew, Philip or Olly,
Nay a republican choice would be such folly.
George is the name we think they'll choose,
This is a bet we just can't lose.

P.S. WillKat, can we have an O.B.E. once you've read our poetry?

Biscuit: McVities Gold Bars

Taste test: 9.8 out of 10
Cost: £1.59 from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Kit Kat Kricket

Kit Kat
Shout "How's Zat!"
Did the ball clip the bat?

Just 15 runs to win
The pressure's on for extra spin
A hot spot shows the merest touch
For poor old Brad it's all too much

Oh Aussies, with your smart green caps
Such gentle, kindly, sporting chaps
We Biscuit Poets mourn for you
As you're beaten by young Cookie's Crew.

Biscuit: Nestle Kit Kat

Taste test: 10 out of 10 (Four fingers is best but we love the Chunkie too)
Cost: From everywhere!