Nippon

The favourite biscuit of the Shogun
inspired by the land of the rising sun
really this poem should be a Haiku
but we couldn't count syllables, boo hoo :(

The home of the geisha, samurai, sushi
and Cio-Cio San - who's she?
Puccini's Madame Butterfly of course
(btw do these biscuits contain any horse?)

The fair islands of Sumo,
Aikido, Karate and Judo
respect and honour build foundations so strong
p'raps that's their secret of living so long

PS. Below are some Nippon Haikus - we eventually managed to count the syllables
(remember it's 5,7,5!)

Vert rolling hillsides
the setting of the red sun
pink on the landscape

A glad warm evening
a beautiful Geisha smiles
ignites hearts' desires

Rubs salt into thighs
the sumo wrestler stands firm
strong like a mountain

Kimonos' colours bright
swirling swishing sultry sound
a light breeze whispers

Sun rises above land
paddy fields soak up the rays
backs bend under hats

Turning, feinting leaves
winter's vapours and dark rain
turning Japanese

Snow capped Mount Fuiji
high speed train rushing
ancient garden maples gold

At Tokyo Crossing
people more buzzing than honey bees
their daily lives melt

The geisha girl stands
in dress ceremonial
pleased to serve her client

Two feet bound and small
white face and silk kimono
lowered eyes shy smile

Nissan, Suzuki
Toyota, Mitsubishi,
and a Mazda 2

Rustling kimonos
bring kneeling painted faces
pouring tea for men

Summer umbrellas
blossom floats down from the trees
long sultry evenings

Biscuit: Nippon

Taste test: 7.5 out of 10
Cost: Another gift from Esther - strangely they are German not Japanese

Fox's Party Rings

These rings suggest to Olly

A party in 1973,

Six years old and running wild,

Such a sweet, angelic child.

Now this cardboard biscuit

Makes him want to curse,

And even far worse,

But not to write inspired poetic verse.

For Shan this biscuit brings

Circular thoughts of rings.

It might not be a wedding ring.

Perhaps some other kind of bling.

He thought of Bilbo and the Hobbit,

Though even Gollum wouldn’t want to rob it,

As this biscuit isn’t Lord of any ring

But just a cheap and tacky sugary thing.

Simon would rather pay a bill

Than swallow this bitter sweet pill.

Sandy liked the pastel shade

Although the biscuit failed to make the grade.

Hard and crunchy like a fiery Scot,

For Jamie it didn’t do a lot.

Simon J says icing’s nice but,

Sadly, the biscuit’s not.

The colours, we concede, they look attractive

But will make children hyperactive.

This biscuit’s done the trick.

We’ll all go home now, feeling sick.

Biscuit: Fox's Party Rings

Taste test: 3 out of 10 (but maybe we're just too old for them!!)
Cost: £1.09 from Tesco in New Milton

Marks out of 10

Marks out of 10...
Paul gave it an 11
he was transported to biscuit heaven

Marks out of 10...
Robin went for an anticipative 9
based on the appearance of the chocolate so fine

Marks out of 10...
Jamie shouted a cricketing 6
due to the texture not to the pitch

Marks out of 10...
Although Karl gave it a 4
Brian chose 12 and wanted lots more

Marks out of 10...
Ollie chose nine
because the taste was sublime

Marks out of 10...
Despite John coming in late
he took one bite and gave it an 8

Marks out of 10...
Jo got angry and quite distraught
Brian ate hers so she gave it a 0 (nought)!

Biscuit: Waitrose Generously coated 9 dark chocolate all butter biscuits

Taste test: Various scores out of 10 (see above)
Cost: £1.29 from Waitrose in Lymington.

If you would like us to write a poem about your favourite biscuits then send us a packet to The Biscuit Poets, Headway Southampton 120 Commercial Road, Totton, Southampton SO40 3AD.

Feeling the Biscuit Blues

(Sounds best when you sing it in a bluesy way - go on you can do it!)

Woke up this morning
feeling January blue.
Opened the cupboard
found no biscuits to chew.

The cupboard was bare,
had diddly squat.
Went down to Lidl
Waffel Rollchen's what I got.

A cinnamon wafer
rolled nice and tight
will tickle your tastebuds
and crunch when you bite.

My spirits need raising
my waistline needs trimming.
Gimme these biscuits
to help with my slimming.

Eating these waffles
will be the solution.
They'll help me to stick
to my New Year resolution.

Want to spice up my life,
need to revive my soul.
Gotta find a new wife
and learn to waffle and roll.

Biscuit: Waffel Rollchen

Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Esther. (Thanks Est)

If you would like us to write a poem about your favourite biscuits then send us a packet to The Biscuit Poets, Headway Southampton 120 Commercial Road, Totton, Southampton SO40 3AD.

Coming Through The Glen. Once Again

Happy New Year!

Highland Shortbread Petticoat Tails
are made in Scotland not in Wales.
Prickly dry like a Highland thistle,
they made us whoop and whistle.

Smooth as a song from Robbie Burns
skipping through the heather and the ferns.
Butter is prominent in their taste.
Once the packet opened, not one biscuit went to waste.

They belong in crofts, not in the house
out on the moors with the famous grouse.
When the wind is cold and sharp and brisky,
dunk the shortbread in your malt whisky.

Biscuit: Highland Speciality Shortbread Petticoat Tails

Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Poundland in Shirley.