Porkies

As a pig I'm much misunderstood
and I'm not one of those patrolling your neighbourhood!

You say I'm dirty and smelly
while you savour a plate of my pork belly,

Surely my bangers and rashers you'd sorely miss
if they did not feature in your Full English,

You think I'm taboo, I'm unclean
that my eyes are small and mean

Yet I'm celebrated with delight
by George Orwell and E.B. White,

Your children adore my celebrity set
Babe, Miss Piggy, Peppa and Piglet,

How can you say my snout's in the trough
when it's bankers and traders who can't get enough?

I could be your friend, I could be your lover
or maybe just a pig - undercover.



Biscuit: Percy Pig

Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: £2 from Marks and Spencer in Lymington

Heat Me, Eat Me, CHEAT ME cookies

To be frank we're incensed
these biscuits are shrouded in pretence
yes they emancipate the kitchen worker
yet discourage baking and promote the shirker
this half baked idea clouds supermarkets with shame
a crass time saving effort so hopelessly lame
unlike the sad substitute discussed above
a just baked warm cookie is a labour of love
life is accelerating we need it to slow
wake up Tesco and smell the fresh cookie dough

Biscuit: Hazlenut Heat Me, Eat Me Cookies

Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Tesco in New Milton

Un Macaronic Biscuit Mash Up

Le petit beurre
French nom de guerre
their ubiquitous biscuit
take a bite and risk it
a buttery sensation
of gallic persuasion
compliments cafe au lait
avec du sucre s'il vous plait
une grande tradition
now we need l'addition
could have been a solution
to the French Revolution
if Marie Antoinette had said
"let them eat biscuits" instead.

Biscuit: Le Petit Beurre

Taste test: 9.7 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Peter from France :)

Biscuit Poetry hits the Ejector Seat Festival!

We are all of a dither at Headway this week as our big moment approaches. Saturday will see Karl, Terry, Shan, Lee, Olly, Jamie and Jegan (aka the Biscuit Poets) performing in the Spoken Word tent at the Ejector Seat Festival 2013 (please, please click the link and scroll down as you will see our name in lights - kind of!)

To be honest we have been so busy perfecting our polished performances that we haven't had a chance to write a biscuit poem - though be assured we have eaten plenty of biscuits to keep our energy up.

Please come along and support us at Palmerston Park in Southampton this Saturday 8th June. We are on at 4:45pm straight after Dizraeli who is just about the biggest, most talented performance poet on the scene at the moment - aaaargh, scary) and Luke Wright who is the second biggest and really rather good.

We promise normal biscuit poetry service will be resumed again next week unless we become to big for our boots after our star performance......