Who Likes Pink Wafers?

We're at Marwell Zoo

eating wafers that are pink,

wondering which animals like them.

Now, what do you think?

We fed one to a Somali Wild Ass

who said he'd rather pass,

whilst the Scimitar-Horned Oryx

said she'd prefer some grass.

The Capybara liked the texture

but the filling wasn't right.

The Fruit Bat couldn't see it

and the dark gave us a fright.

Wild Wart Hog loathed the taste,

too fruity with a zing.

The Panther didn't like the colour,

pink didn't appeal to him.

Mr Bat Eared Fox declined;

he wasn't very chuffed,

and Miss Arabian sand cat

had definitely had enough.

Finally we found a fan

with a delicate rosy hue,

The greedy, proud Flamingo

became the pinkest in the zoo!

Biscuit: Crawford's Pink Wafers
Taste test: 3 out of 10
Cost: 79p from Ocado

A Proustian Rich Tea Moment

Dipping you slowly in my tea,

evokes so much memory,

of long afternoons with Granny

or picnics by the sea,

of working as a labourer

and dunking desperately,

before my tea break's over

and the foreman shouts at me.

Your dry and crispy texture

is not quite the best,

and the sediment you leave

in my cup I really do detest.

Nonetheless in search of so much time lost

you have all the qualities to boost

our writing so much so,

it sounds like Marcel Proust.

Biscuit: McVities Rich Tea Biscuit

Taste test: 5 out of 10

Cost: £1.09 from Tesco in High Wycombe

Ode to the Oreo

You look like the dark destroyer of teeth,
but there are hidden depths that lie beneath.
The hidden depths that lie below
the crunchy, creamy beauty that is OREO.
The perfect way to eat, we think,
is to twist and lick with a milky drink.

Biscuit: Oreo
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: 65p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Garibaldi's last stand

Times were hard,

rations were thin,

soldiers were starving,
there was a war to win.

The cold was biting,

morale was low,

soldiers were starving,

progress was slow.

Italy was fractured,

General Garibaldi at a loss,

soldiers were starving,

there was a line to cross.

The General spoke out,
"Take this dough and mix it."

soldiers weren't starving,

they ate Garibaldi's biscuit.

Biscuit: Garibaldi Biscuits

Taste test: 4.5 out of 10

Cost: 89p from Tesco in the New Forest