Our Review of the Year 2017

A Favorina Assortment of Events


Jess, our devoted volunteer
Had her son, Ethan, at the start of the year.


In June, James, Jon, Lee and Katie,
Gary, Mandy, Jen and Jamie
Spent a delightful hour
Enjoying Sister Act at the Mayflower.


Here, Sushma created a nice warm feeling
With each session of her Reiki healing.


We have to thank Aviva Health Care
For heroic acts of garden repair.
In our backyard they cleared the weeds
And planted fresh new seeds.


Paul and Joey too, we must applaud
For their success at the Headway Volunteers’ Award.


Before this, we all tried to pitch in
To buy and fit out our new kitchen.



We’ve learned to draw from new aspects
With our new art tutor, Alex.


In October, our group made a smart getaway
For a fine and dry south coast holiday.


In October too, we said a last goodbye
To our friend, John, cricketer and all-round grand guy.


But we have at least ended the year on a high
With Christmas lunch and another mince pie.



Biscuits: A Favorina Luxury Biscuit Selection from Lidl

Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Stef

Nether Netherland

If you're Dutch
you like the fifth of December
very much
it's at day to celebrate and remember

On that day
people scatter biscuits through the house
and give away
presents to each child from Santa Claus

On that day
Santa Claus arrives by boat
over the Zyder Zee
Down the canals of Amsterdam he will float

According to Ruud
Santa's helpers arrive on foot
covered from head to toe in blackened soot

On the next day
Santa leaves for Spain
with every child that's been a pain.

Biscuits: Kruid Noten

Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: A Dutch Gift from Ruud

The Truth About Rudolph

Rudolph is the most renowned reindeer in the game
Every other reindeer is envious of his fame
Inebriation may well have led to his nasal rosy glow
Not easy to take off when sloshed in the arctic snow
Donner and Blitzen are always as jealous as hell
Each year they're at the back staring at his tail
Endeavour to deliver gifts despite the foggy night
Red nosed Rudi the sat nav shines his guiding light

When Harry met Meghan

Harry and Meghan plan to get hitched.
Cynics say, give it a while and she’ll be ditched.

Others say, they’ll jump the broom
and we think Harry will make a handsome groom.

For the bride there’s controversy
About a lack of aristocracy
Or a family tree,
As she’s an American divorcee
With an echo from history
But maybe she’ll bring the royal family
Into the twenty first century.

Harry may be a man of the people
But they won’t be married under a steeple.

Even though the American’s dream might turn sour,
before we go that bit too far

We’d like to say,
‘Good luck Meghan, on your doubled day,
And good luck Harry, patron of Headway.’


Biscuits:Six Co-op Chocolate Coated Sour Cherry Biscuits
& Thornton's Double Chocolate Wafer Rolls

Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: From the Co-op in Lymington

Rise every time you fall

Confucius said:
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing,
 but in rising every time we fall".
Like a phoenix emerging from the fire,
keep ascending with the will to aspire,
seize the day and fulfill your desire,
like the fire rooster keep flying higher.

Biscuits:Beijing's Classic Snacks

Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: A gift from China

Mullochs

On Mull every day is rainy,
a local dons his mackintosh,
the River Tobermory
becomes awash.

The islanders on Mull,
are far from dull,
they're quirky with a lot of soul.
Some spend many a day aloft,
as they sip wee drams on their croft.

Mullochs exist at an easy pace,
recycling everything to avoid waste,
set apart from the modern rat race,
of stress there is no trace.

It rains a lot on Mull,
the sun often stops shining,
but every cloud has a biscuit lining,
hydroelectricity supplies the energy,
to produce lemon melts
of the highest quality.

Biscuits: Island Bakery Lemon Melts

Taste test: 10 out of 10
Cost: £2.99 from Waitrose (worth every penny according to Lee!)

Reunification of a nation

Germany's heart was torn apart
Berlin was divided in two
families were affected
when the wall was erected
East and West
Two opposing ideologies
political enemies
9.11.89 Checkpoint Charlie
became benign
the iron curtain fell
it was reunification time
Germany gave the world a sign
young people with mullets
hit the wall with mallets
proclaiming peace through their graffiti
aerosol poets rewriting the treaty

Biscuits: Lebkuchen Herzen

Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Berlin

Scared? Who's scared?!

It's All Hallow's Eve
We're being watched by the Evil Eye
At midnight the witches swoop by
Tonight's the night when vampire bats fly

Skeletons rise creakily from their ancient graves
and articulate their bones
Zombies fight to grapple
for a sticky toffee apple

Sugar fuelled children roam the streets
dressed up for trick or treat
desperate for sweets
egg his door - shriek!

Mummies and Daddies
make pumpkins jump out of their skins
spiders are busy cobwebbing
whilst people are apple bobbing
Bolt the door and watch the Blue Planet II

Biscuits: Nairn's Dark Chocolate Chip

Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.35 from Waitrose in Lymington

Ophelia's Storm in a Teacup with Biscuits

As the Saharan storm winds blew
The skies turned an eerie yellow hue
In Ireland they had a tempestuous breeze
That lifted seas and uprooted trees

The effects on the landscape
and scenery were disastrous
the results of climate change
are tumultuous

If  you are a global warming
skeptic
The sight may have been
apocalyptic

If it was the end of the world
the earth would tremble
The underworld it would
resemble

However in true British style
it was grim for a couple of hours
shortly followed
by sun and showers

Biscuits: Fox's Fabulous Selection

Taste test: 9.2 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Martyn

Catalexit

Should they go or should they stay?
The world is falling to pieces
Like these biscuits that are broken
And the promises that politicians have spoken

Tribal drums are beating
Leaving populations seething.
The rush for globalisation
Has produced more fragmentation.

In Majorca and Venice
They protest against tourism’s menace.
Tear gas and rubber bullets in the blazing sun
Are not the way to prevent a referendum.

The voice of the Kurds is still not heard
Although their cause is not absurd.
Myanmar is in a state
As Rohingya Moslems flee their fate.

Nationalism may be a blessing or a curse
But violence only makes things worse.

The last of last week’s broken biscuits
Helped us make this verse.

Biscuits: The last of the Box of Broken Biscuits

Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift

Fragments: An assortment of poetic definitions

Biscuit Poets at Headway
celebrate national poetry day.

To us poetry means an active brain
a chance to quip, quibble and complain.

Poetry means camaraderie
a friendship like Laurel and Hardy.

A time to reflect and collaborate
to contemplate our mental state.

Poetry is linguistic exploration
a time for relaxation.

Our group gives motivation
for unique verbal creation.

Poetry means Roger McGough
Wordsworth and loads of other stuff.

Poetry means Pam Ayres
the story of her teeth that she so often shares.

Poetry is our sugar rush,
the flow of words that sometimes makes us blush.

Written by our self-styled misfits
grazing on broken biscuits.

Poetry is an opportunity to learn
a Tuesday session to which we return.

Poetry means lines that rhyme
but with us not quite every time.

A verbal bonanza
written in some strange stanza.

Poetry is the calm in the storm
a break from the humdrum norm.

So for us the 28th September
is a day to remember
for the nation's celebration
of so much poetic exhilaration.

Biscuits: Box of Broken Biscuits

Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift

Tosh and Piffle

At Headway we're not averse,
to speaking tosh and nonsensical verse.
Twaddle, gobbledigook, bunkum and double dutch,
we speak them all fluently with a very fine touch

Yet the posh speak tosh to impress,
littering their language with dross to excess.
Whilst Trump slates all the news as phoney,
and runs the White House by tweeting baloney.

Codswallop, gibberish, drivel and tripe,
ignore the tosh speakers - don't believe their hype.
Tommyrot and hyperbole creating a fug
close your ears it's all just humbug!


Biscuit: Tosh chocolate and hazelnut biscuits

Taste test: 9.8 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Costa Rica

Back to Skool

We are sitting comfortably
so we'll begin,
let's go through the round window,
and see what delights it has to show.

Look, the nation's children wait,
with anticipation and elation at the school gate.
It's back to skool for all,
welcome back assembly in the hall,
new teachers and timetables,
new class mates and name labels.

First lesson - double maths,
with not that many laffs!
Watching the clock hands go round,
waiting for the bell to sound.

Summer is over and it's time to knuckle down,
put on your school pullover,
replace your smile with a frown,
or just take on your new role as class clown.

Biscuit: Jammy Wheels

Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: 34p from Lidl

If I was the King of Spain

If I was the king of Spain
I’d summon summer rain.
I’d have paella every day
On a plate with gold inlay.

If I were king of Spain
I’d make everyone equal again.
If I ruled the roost
I’d give each pay packet a boost.

I’d give you all a holiday
So you can stretch your legs and play.
I’d sing our anthem with castanets
And cancel all the national debts.

I’d revive the peseta.
I’d be a job creator.
I’d spend all my time on the beach,
Ripening in the sun like a peach.

I’d feed on lobster and John Dory,
An evening menu that’s quite a story.
I’d make cerveza free for all
So we’d all get drunk
And have a right, royal ball

I’d go to Palma Nova
But steer clear of Barcelona.
So, Viva Espana.
I’ll do all that – manana.

Thank you Team GB

We saw Usain's last bolt
which brought his record breaking career to a halt,
Mighty Mo ran his last track race
coming first and second's no disgrace,
Britain put on a great display
and smashed it in the men's relay,
Laura Muir nearly medalled and did us proud
she ran her heart out for the UK crowd,
Jonathan Edward's triple jump record was at risk
when a USA athlete almost beat it but missed,
We're exhausted from watching, we've got nothing left
Thank you Team GB - you really are the best!

Biscuit: Butterfinger Cups

Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Sue

Our Land

Imagine a land - our land,
let's call it Headway Land,
tea and biscuits are always on tap
conversation flows - it's a good craic!

Different activities stimulate the brain,
from gardening to cooking to sailing in the rain,
we're pushed to our limits, beyond our comfort zone
building up confidence to cope when we're alone.

To some it's a life line, stops us vegetating,
keeps us light-hearted, even when we're educating.
You'll be bowled over by our sporting skills,
and gallery trips providing artistic thrills.

In our new kitchen we'll cook up a treat,
Tasty puddings and meals to eat.
At Headway we're a merry band,
especially scoffing cookies from Maryland.

Biscuit: Maryland Thins - salted caramel
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: £1 at Asda in Totton

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 4

Toffee and banana in a digestive,
Paul arriving in a cap that’s festive

England women cricket world champs,
Lionesses knocking out France.
Extra money that would Brian’s life enhance.

Jamie so glad to be alive,
Sy happy just to survive.

Giraffes in general,
Graceful and tall,
While Kirsty likes supporting Paul.

Battery technology for scooters and cars,
Planets and stars,
The Milky Way and Mars.

A second chance in life,
My forgiving wife.

Tomatoes in the greenhouse
That have escaped the mouse.
The clean structures of the Bauhaus.

Friendship, blue skies,
The light in Julie’s eyes.

Biscuit: Banoffee Caramel Digestives
Taste test:  7 out of 10
Cost: 50p on special offer at Waitrose in Lymington

The Surreal Deal

The artist, Salvador Dali
Paints subjects that seem so bizarre.
Swans reflect elephants. A telephone lobster
Stretches our imagination so very far.

His pictures melt our minds
As his art dissolves time and space.
But now this famous surrealist
Is the subject of his own surreal case.

A sixty-one year old fortune teller
Now claims to be his love child
and is after his estate and his fortune.
She has applied for his bones to be filed

And his DNA tested. The opened casket
Revealed only dust, decay and slime.
But, like his clocks, waxed and intact,
His moustache has stood the test of time.


Biscuit: Lidl’s chocolate chip and butter shortbread.
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: Cheap at half the price

Penlee Disaster 1981

One Sunday morning,
in a Cornish church
the vicar stood up and spoke,
"We've given up the search,
I'm sorry there is no hope.

16 brave souls are lost at sea,
8 lifeboat men and 8 ship's company,
from the Union Star carrier,
always remember the 19th of December.

The people of Mousehole will pull together,
supporting each other come what ever,
the heroes gave their lives and tried their best,
now we must sadly allow them to rest".

Biscuit: Cornish Clotted Cream Shortbread with chocolate pieces
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Marlene

Bubble and Squeak

When we lived in caves
the Greeks were having a rave
they created the world's first civilisation
whilst we were still a backwards nation

The Greeks developed hypotheses
with Plato and Archimedes
they debated their philosophies
that have shaped today's societies

Famous for feta cheese
and Nana Mouskouri in the 70's
moussaka, smashing crockery,
Greek tragedies and olive leaves

Home of the Olympiads
and Homer's Odyssey and Iliad,
legends and myths
and Olympic jumpers coming acropolis!

Biscuit: Milk and Honey Greek Biscuits
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Jen

Save the Puffin

Every year
100,000 seabirds drown needlessly
in fishing gear
pity the poor puffin
whose extinction is near

Plastic detritus
is suffocating our puffins
sending them beneath the waves
in ocean ready coffins

What can be done
to avoid the sixth mass extinction
we need to act now
to avoid this horrific prediction

This is our message in a recyclable bottle
the world needs to put
it's foot on the throttle
and speed up global action
to stop shameful seabird destruction.

Biscuit: Mint Puffins
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: From Asda in Totton

The power of verse

Jamaica gave birth to reggae
the great musical genre of today
encapsulating the country's clear blue seas
and sky scraper coconut trees

Bob Marley's rasta communication
spoke to people of every nation
with a positive vibration
speaking the message of love and contemplation

Ours too is an optimistic missive
Be inclusive not dismissive
Use the power of verse
to improve our world and universe

Biscuit: Coconut Cookies
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Asda in Totton

Round Round Get A Round

We're sitting around
debating the Cadbury's Roundie
ideas are going round in circles
like a merry-go-round
we're on a poetry roundabout
with more letters than a postman's round
who's first to get a round in?
cups of tea all round
tick tock the hands keep moving round
we'll finish now, we've run a ground!

Biscuit: Cadbury's Roundies
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: £1.99 for 5 from Waitrose in Lymington

Some People

This week we participated in a New Forest Arts Festival outdoor poetry workshop run by poet Mark Rutter.
Here's one of the poems we wrote, it's inspired by nature.

Some people get struck by lightning
Others are struck by its beauty
Some people are rash criticising nettles
Others enjoy a cup of healthy nettle tea
Some people despise arachnid beasts
Others know their webs catch insect feasts
Some people's eyes itch exposed to pollination
Others get that without it there would be no creation.

Summer Fantasy

Spirits lifted by the sun
Ice creams melting one by one
Cocktails chilling in that shade
I'll make you a lemonade
Lemon floating in my drink
In the sun, skin's all pink
Afternoon nap beneath palm trees
Night arrives with a cool breeze

Love is in the air
Everlasting euphoria everywhere
Memories to cherish over winter time
Oh we've had enough of this rhyme
Nothing is ever this sublime!

Biscuit: White chocolate and Sicilian Lemon all butter biscuits
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.75 from Waitrose in Portswood

Butter or Marge: The real deal or the substitute

Election time and the politicians are here,
Buttering us up with their smooth, slick talk.
They deserve less than a pat on the head.
They tell us we’ll be in Clover
And you butter believe them.


We need an Anchor in these troubled times,
A Stork to deliver the NHS,
But what we hear is a Lurpak of empty promises
And a Country Life of hunting foxes.


The media’s misinformation is like Flora,
Easily spread, or like Bertolli,
Olive oil on troubled waters.
But voting is a contract, for butter or worse.


These lines have been inspired
By a banana and butterscotch nationalist,
A chocolate chump and pecan Nuttall,
Who’s ginger and rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.
Those politicians, they all take the buttery biscuit.

Kitchen Appeal

Let's hope everyone will pitch in
'Cos we really need a new kitchen
The old one's not very good looking
We've got no room to do the cooking

We desperately want something finer
Quick let's find a designer
The tea station is moving to keep us calm
And a lovely new cooker won't set off the alarm

The existing fridge is really quite old
We need a new one to keep our food cold
The dishwasher has seen better days
It's time to start a new culinary phase

A smart new kitchen will sparkle and shine
And make our cooking taste even more divine!

We need to raise £6000 for a new kitchen, to donate please go to: https://www.justgiving.com/campaigns/charity/headwaysouthampton/kitchenappeal

Undigested Indecision

Doctor, Doctor we have a serious case of indecision
over 900 channels on the television
we're always being bombarded by the media
with all the choices they want to feed ya

Day to day, so many voices
offering up so many choices
time for us to digress
let's get out of this mess

Life needs to be simplified
the important things should be prioritised
support the things that matter
get rid of the useless clutter

Make sure you make the right call
these decisions may affect us all.

Biscuit: Orange Digestive Biscuits
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Tesco in New Milton

A to Z of Brain Injury

A is for aneurysm - that's mindblowing
B is for brain injury, the invisible disability
C is for cerebral cortex, our grey matter
D is for dysphasia that hampers communication
E is for emotional change and never feeling the same again
F is for forgetful, often forgetting what you want to say
G is for glial cells that glue the brain together
H is for HEADWAY SOUTHAMPTON
I is for inhibitions lost
J is for journey towards recovery
K is for knowledge, learning about brain injury
L is for long term condition
M is for memory, who am I?
N is for neurons - 100 billion in your brain
O is for occipital lobe that controls your vision
P is for personality that can change in an instant
Q is for questioning your own sanity
R is for rehabilitation of your mental situation
S is for sensory impairment, sight, taste, hearing, smell and touch
T is for temporal lobe that is all about communication
U is for uncertainty about your future
V is for victory, surviving a brain injury
X if for all the x-rays to be endured
Y is for why me?
Zzzzz is for the never ending fatigue.....

Biscuit: Kex
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £1.15 from Ikea in Southampton

A Weird World

The world has turned weird.

Everyone’s growing a beard.

The world has turned weird

And it’s worse than we feared.

The world has turned weird.

Trump, the new messiah has appeared

The world has turned weird.

Way off course it’s careered.

Once presidents persuaded and steered.

Now they’re sneered at and jeered.

Politician’s names are smeared

As to their claims they have not adhered.

The world has turned weird.

Common sense has disappeared.

The world has turned weird,

Upside down and North Koreaed.

It’s so sad that we’re reduced to a sneer.

So much better if we learned to love and not to fear.

Marlene’s Clotted Cream

Shortbread from Exmouth

The Nuclear Option

These Chinese biscuits are green and nuclear
They are a fitting snack
When the future is so unclear

USA and North Korea stop playing on our atomic fear
it feels like the end of the world is drawing near

The two leaders, Trump and Kim Jong Un
need to compromise and get on
to find a peaceful solution

North Korean activist Park Yeong-Mi
is speaking up bravely for the world to see
she's urging China to put on pressure and authority
and to stop turning back scared refugees

Please act now before it ends in catastrophe
and we see the outbreak of World War III

Biscuit: Jasmine and Oolong Tea Cookies
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: Gift from China

Newly Minted

The new pound coin produced by the Royal Mint
Has a bronze metallic hologram-style glint
And will stop the forgers making us skint.
Roast lamb with rosemary and mint
Will make our eyes sparkle and glint
Unless we’re short of cash and skint


Most of us have a favourite mint.
Katie likes a polo from her pocket stuck with lint.
Shan loves choc chip ices with a hint
Of green, hot and cool peppermint.
Jen’s favourite is not even a mint but Swiss Lindt.
Perhaps she’s offering an Easter hint.


Katie has a new hat, green as mint,
Shaped like a brain, with a bluish tint,
Bought in Ikea to make us squint.
Jamie has new glasses, their condition mint,
Anti-glare, with a photo-reactive tint,
So in sunlight he need not squint.


Paul likes Matchmakers and almost any other mint.
You can stick them to your fingers and make them sprint
But because they melt they’re no use as a splint.
All of us will relish a cool glacier mint
After a long day and an Olympic sprint.
‘At night’, Paul tells us, ‘I wear a splint.’


Dave arriving late, cholesterol high, should take the doctor’s hint,
study hard the medicinal small print
and drink his tea in litres laced with mint.
Mint Chocolate Rounds from Lidl
With silver in the middle,
Like the new one pound,
But round.

Biscuit: Mint Chocolate Rounds,
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: From Lidl in Totton - cheap!

Branching Out

The New Forest was made in honour
As a hunting ground for William the Conqueror
To shoot deer amongst the trees
Of which there are so many varieties.


Our Bill was a Gallic or garlic bloke
And built his invasion ships from mighty oak.
He gave the English army such a bash,
With an arrow in the eye for Harold made of ash.


At the Balmer Lawn they say ‘Owzat’
As they play cricket with a willow bat.
When the Forest weather is fine
You can stroll through avenues of pine.


And in springtime you can see
Pale pink blossom on the cherry tree.
In summer heat you can rest in shade
Of a rare elm or dark beech glade.


Autumn brings the crab apple glut,
Hazels and the fire-roasted chestnut.
It sows the spinning seeds of sycamore
And lets loose the woodsman with his chainsaw.


When there’s frost on the ground the foresters produce
Abundant quantities of Norway spruce.
Christmas is the proverbial season to be jolly
So try your pudding with a sprig of holly.


Among the names we have neglected to use
Are the redwood, cypress, fir and Serbian spruce,
The larch and alder, birch and elder and other species
Because it’s so hard to 'cedar wood for the trees'.


We wanted to include this olive biscuit
But decided not to risk it.
It is made with onion and cheese,
Which coincidentally rhymes with ‘trees’.

Biscuit: Grissini Cipolle or Italian Bread Sticks,
gathered from Italian Bread Trees.
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from the Bread Tree

Chuck Berry RIP

The world of rock 'n roll is mourning
the loss of one of it's founding fathers
Chuck Berry has left all a grieving
90 years old but still achieving

His songs inspired teenagers to rebel
fans were told they would go to hell
he hopped and bopped across the stage
Before ACDC were all the rage

Johnny Be Good, My Ding A Ling, No particular place to go
Chuck strived to create a new sound
he added vibe and passion to the Blues
impressed the crowds with his outlandish moves

He counted Greats Jerry Lee Lewis, Ben E King,
and Buddy Holly as mates
we wish we could go back to his future
In the 50's he went far
doing his duckwalk with his guitar

Biscuit: Arden's Nutty Nibbles
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: £1.79 from Waitrose in Lymington

Why? For National Ask a Question Day.

Why is the world a sphere?
Why does the moon draw the tide?
Why are the planets here?
Would you like a rocket ride?

Why are you asking me?
Why isn’t it lunch time?
What can a mole see?
Why should a poem rhyme?

Why isn’t the weather always fine?
Did you bathe in the sea yesterday?
Is there a being that’s divine?
Can you come out to play?

Why is X a chromosome?
Why do biscuits give us indigestion?
Why are we obsessed with a phone?
As Shakespeare wrote, that is the question.

Biscuit: Amaretti
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Fiona

Chop Chop Chop

Chop, Chop, Chop
It's Budget Day tomorrow
Which services will end in sorrow?
How many of Hammond's promises
will be hollow?
Is it fair that social care
and education
will feel no elation
about the financial situation?
Dissipation of funding
to the NHS
will leave patients in distress
Diverting budget from Academies
to Grammars
will crush our schools like blows
from hammers
The Government needs to prioritise
open its eyes and stop the cuts
that we all despise.

Biscuit: Oreo Thins
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

The warmth of Spain

The warmth of Spain
is baked into this biscuit,
it's crisp and snappy
with a cinnamon hit,
we'll polish
the plate off bit by bit.
After our siesta,
we'll have a wild fiesta,
watch bulls in Pamplona,
and Gaudi in Barcelona,
find a senorita
and make her dance with Peter,
we'll attempt the Flamenco
before saying Hasta Luego!

Biscuit: Galletas a la Canela (Cinnamon Biscuits)
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Almunecar in Spain

Crumbs of Comfort for St Valentine's Day

If it’s passion that you feel,
Don’t try these biscuits for your romantic meal.


If you are swept away with emotion
Don’t choose these to munch on.


If you look for symbols of love
Our biscuits do not fit the category above.


All they do is cause you pain.
Better chocolates, roses and champagne.


If you aim your love to embrace
They won’t cause your heart to race.


Crusty, dusty, old, dry and musty,
Hardly exciting and not at all lusty.


They are not worth much money
So will surely not impress your honey.


Although these biscuits do not inspire delight
We hope you still enjoy a perfect night.

Biscuit: Nature Valley
Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: Giving them away at Lidl!

Nuts for Peanuts

We've all gone nuts for peanuts
we're not talking Charlie Brown,
Snoopy & Woodstock
but rather the legume that
could give you anaphylactic shock.

What's more if Rottweilers are chasing you,
give them peanut butter to chew,
it acts like superglue
and stops vicious dogs from biting you.

George Washington Carver
invented peanut shampoo
whilst before Jimmy Carter was president,
peanuts he grew.

Peanuts are delicious
they're also uber goober* nutritious,
astronauts eat them in space
and a Snickers bar means you'll win a race,
even a Marathon.

* another word for a peanut

Biscuit: Reese's Peanut Butter Rounds
Taste test: 9.9 out of 10
Cost: £1.50 Waitrose in Lymington

Biscuit Rapper

Yo Yo Yo  - what's up biscuit homies?
Opening the wrapper is giving us the moanies
The packaging is a load of old pony
Finding the scissors is making us groany!

They are crumbly, crunchy and crispy too,
they went down well with the biscuit crew,
get down to our kitchen and grab yourself a brew,
and have yourself more biscuits from a packet of two.

So many flavours - it's hard to cope
but the taste of the biscuits is really dope
if we gave them to the Pope, he wouldn't say nope
it sounds like a joke but they filled us with hope.

And that's a wrap!

Biscuit: Irwin Mitchell Solicitors' Meeting Room Biscuits
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Free - thanks Jack

Upside Down

This week we've been cast asunder,
we've gone to the land down under
the home of the aboriginials, kookaburras,
boomerangs, digereedos, spiders,
wallabies and kangaroos.
It's where Jason kissed Kylie
and everybody's smiley,
because the sun always shines
ripening the grapes that hang on the vines,
bronzing the skin of the 
Bondi Life savers
who prevent the sharks
from devouring the bathers.
Dingos, vegemite, Skippy, koalas,
crocs,
if you're a Sheila or a Blue
throw a shrimp on the BBQ,
grab a tinny and head for the Outback
where Andy Murray's moping 
because he crashed out of the 
Australian Open.

Biscuit: Kooka's country cookies
Taste test: 9 out of 10

Cost: A gift from Australia - thanks Vicky

Goodbye to Gluttony

We're plump turkeys
and fattened geese,
over the past greedy weeks
we've overindulged in a festive feast

Can you do up your trouser button?
Have you too been a Christmas glutton?
If the amount you've eaten is quite obscene
then it's time you adopted a diet regime

Did you wake up today with a frown?
Then act now and put those mince pies down
Are you keen to be good?
Then mince past the remains of the Xmas pud

Throw your turkey leftovers in the bin
And get yourself down to your local gym
If you're quick
you'll get 3 month's free membership

Biscuit: Nairn's Super Seeded Organic Oatcakes
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: £1.39 Waitrose in Lymington